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9.16.2011

BDSM identities

I think that for those who are not into kink, identity 'fluidity' in the bdsm community can be a bit confusing.  To most people, typically heterosexual, vanilla types, the concept seems to be of a strict top, and a submissive bottom.  The reality is that pinning down bdsm identity is not quite so simple; there are as many types of bdsm identities as there are people.  You could be a sub, a Dom, a masochist, a sub-masochist, a Dominant Sadist, a strict Sadist, a switch, a service Top, a bossy bottom, or a strict fetishist (and the list doesn't end there), but the reality is that it mostly has to do with what turns you on.  Does the idea of submitting turn you on?  There are some suprisingly dominant people who like to sub or bottom, and some people who might come across as subby who make excellent tops. It also seems that identity changes over time as well.  My ex boyfriend got into the scene as a sub, and ONLY subbed, although over time he found that he really enjoyed topping and switching, and there are those who I've known (pro dommes) who got into the scene as tops for financial reasons, who experiment with bottoming in private with people they trust, and alpha male types who are not submissive in any sense of the word who enjoy the rush of a good caning or paddling.  Masochists tend more often to be high stimulation seekers who are more likely to be Dominant in a social sense, and may even direct the top as to what kind of pain they want (topping from the bottom), but need the rush, while submissive masochists will put up with the pain in order to please and receive attention from their Mistress.  There are "fashion" Tops who look good and appreciate lots of ego stroking and compliments, Sadists who delight in every squirm and squeal, and Dominants who enjoy the power trip of your submission, and the art of the seduction.  Never assume that bottoms are pushovers, or that Dominants don't like to be wrestled to the floor or bent over a coffee table and fucked like mad every now and again.  I see that the common thread in all these personalities seems to be the expression of the aggressive and survival impulse (sex).  It's not a clear delineation, and in fact it is more commonly the case that there is no real adherence to strict roles.  The community is, by it's very nature, open, fluid, queer friendly, and for the most part inclusive.

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