Happy Holidays!

Iron Crotch Qi Gong

The idea of being beaten for fun eludes most people.  They simply cannot wrap their mind around the idea of willingly submitting to something that millions of years of evolution have hard wired us to avoid: PAIN.  Well, yes, but then of course there are those who relish the burn, "hitting the wall," and making it through to the other side with new insights.  With greatest respect and admiration I present to you several video clips of those who submit to unspoken taboos, not as a show of weakness, but as a demonstration of strenght, and not for pleasure, but for spiritual enlightenment.  Enjoy - and contemplate upon the virtues of transcendence of PAIN.

Penis Weight lifting-Taiwanese Style (click here to see Video) 

Iron "egg" skill

United States of Merit

What constitutes merit in this great country of ours?

In other countries, merit means special skills, talents, abilities, or exceptionally hard work.  In our country, you have "merit" if:

1. Your dad owns the company.
2. Your mom was alumni.
3. Your uncle has lots of connections.
4. Your fraternity got copies of the answer sheet.
5. You made a large donation to the committee.
6. The sheriff is your poker buddy.
7. Your local representative accepts large "donations" to the cause.
8. You're obnoxious, borderline retarded, and have buck teeth, but gosh-darnit, people just LIKE you.
9. Your marketing machine was slightly more depraved and unethical than the other guy.
10. The city council wants your tax revenue, and repealed the building ordinance which would have prohibited your new construction.
11. You have your back scratching cronies drop your name to head honchos and "suggest" stories about yourself to the local newspapers.
12. You have the appropriate political or social orientation, along with the proper styling.
13. You fund large scale, only moderately skewed studies to find the information which will allow you to market that experimental chemical for public use.
14. You attempt (and often succeed at) incriminating, villifying, and attacking the character of the researchers who find evidence to the contrary.
15. No one else can afford the cost of legal fees to challenge you.
16. You threaten your competition with personal attacks, insipid or open harassment, and bodily harm in order to get them to drop their cause.
17. Most people relate to your low brow humor.
18. You lead people to believe that you will provide (miniumum wage) "careers" to the community that you end up plundering and pillaging.
19. You conduct business within the letter of the law, while violating every ethical consideration imaginable.
20. You buy out the competition and fire everyone.

So it is, that in a capitalistic society, merit = capital.  In other words talent, skill, and general all around virtue are essentially useless unless they are marketable.  The public does not want to support romantic ideas like truth, equitability, freedom of information, and honesty in reporting.  The public wants well styled mediocrity that they can relate to, and after all, it is public support from consumers that keeps a corporation in business.

Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers.

--Daniel J. Boorstin 

You're just another American who is willfully ignorant of the big red, white and blue dick being shoved up your asshole every day... The owners of this country know the truth... it's called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it! ― George Carlin


http://www.brainyquote.com

A salute to New Yorkers

Here's to you, New York!
Here's to the reality TV watchers,
Gamer dorks,
Loudmouth fuck-holes,
Snotty hipsters,
Sweaty fat-asses,
Charismatic sociopaths,
Homeless schizophrenics,
And downright simple-minded among you.
I tip my hat to you,
Petty shoplifters,
Mass murderers,
Drug dealers,
White collar criminals,
And secretaries who let it all happen under their noses.
I salute you, bribe collecting politicians,
Womanizing cops,
Hard nosed conservatives,
Libero-nazis,
And those who don't give a rat's ass about politics.
A toast to the drunkard stock brokers,
The disgustingly poor,
The filthy fucking rich,
And the struggling bohemians who moved to Philadelphia. 
I tip my glass to the shameless glitterati,
the ruthless paparazzi,
the narcissist socialites,
the well heeled frauds,
and the New York Post
for feeding intelligent minds with high minded, unbiased information.
Here's to the hatemongers,
Hypocrites,
Low-lifes,
Pseudo-intellectuals,
Elitist pigs,
The self-absorbed,
The other obssessed,
And the New York Psychoanalytic Society,
For catering to all of their needs.

Here's to the greatest city on the planet,
A pinnacle of civilization,
An enviable representation of humanity
That is emulated the world over.
Cheers!  Let us celebrate great things to come!  

New disorders scheduled to be included in the DIagnostic Manual of Mental Disorders V

666.2 Repugnant malodorous unkempt liberal disorder.

This classification does not refer to liberal in general, but to a certain class of highly deluded, self righteous sort who are clouded with so much espoused rhetoric that they might be considered mildly schizophrenic. You know the ones--you see them in the street in their comfortable, un-stylish sneaks and pseudo-intellectual glasses, professing how they and their kind of the harbingers of love and understanding, while simultaneously, condescendingly attempting to psychoanalyze anyone who does not conform to their expectations of social norms. They do this, not out of altruism, but out of a misguided sense that their efforts are helping the world to "understand" others. Unfortunately, they only succeed in creating dysfunctional labels for others, obscuring the true reality from themselves, and perpetuating a form of insipid bigotry, in order that their own ideas about things conform with their world paradigm. They hold it in esteem to be militantly against any kind of organization, however perfunctory, and treasure the idea of egalitarianism, while branding those they deem threatening as Nazis, sociopaths, and dysfunctional personalities. Rhetoric and lies spread like wildfire in this community, because they are adamantly opposed to independent thinking. Shared community is key, and this also means partaking in "group-think." They have elevated their craft to such a level, that they have out performed the conservatives that they have villified.

Smug Alert
Get More: SOUTH
PARKmore...

666.3 Depraved Jackass disorder

This is a very specific classification used to describe run of the mill morons who like to mouth off for no apparent reason. They find it humorous to engage in all sorts of jack-assery, including defamation, loud and obnoxious behavior on the subways, celebration of sophomoric and perpetual juvenillism, including beer bonging, mutual ass sniffing and complementary nad scratching. They like to think that they are being incredibly humorous, although when presented with the highest forms of satire and dark comedy, they don't know what to make of it. They tend to be young, since their recalcitrant ways often lead them to suffer unfortunate tragedies, and they don't often see old age. The best course of action is to ignore them, in the same way that you would ignore the village idiot or madman, since any response that you make will likely be one that will debase you to their level. This type of person does not understand diplomacy, or backhanded remarks, and the only likely effective method of dealing with them would be to bitch-slap them upside the head.

766.6 Impacted fecalith disorder

This is usually suffered by members of the tea party, and the hard nosed of the "moral majority." They live in a closed society that does not acknowledge biological drives of any kind, including urination, defecation, sexual urges, and sometimes even hunger. They have managed to take all the power for themselves, since they don't spend any time masturbating, fucking, or enjoying R rated films, they have proceeded to take to the polls and represent a minority's views as representative of the majority. Thankfully, they mostly inhabit the suburbs and do not have a significant presence in large, urbanized areas, where they are not able to park their gas guzzling SUVs and lounge in sprawling backyards.

666.66  Non-specific Dysfunctional Syndrome

This diagnosis may be used for people who are generally productive and functional, but may be classified as "difficult," a little bit "strange" or just generally un-likable.  They are usually non-conformists who take pleasure in causing others discomfort by flouting their disregard for socially accepted norms.  They may be described as bossy, passive, loud-mouthed, exceptionally reserved, poor dressers, ostentatious, or wall flowers.  These are people who aren't quite pathological enough to fit any of the usual diagnoses, but people who strike you as somehow "off."  As a matter of fact, their insipid pathology may be even more dangerous than those who are fully dysfunctional.  This label may be applied liberally to public figures, politicians, and co-workers who you hate.

Please note that aside from the last diagnosis, that all patients must fit very specific diagnostic criteria in order for the diagnosis to be given.  These new diagnoses will improve the ease with which entertainment writers and gossip columnists make un-professional diagnoses that will be accepted by housewives across the country as scientific fact.

NIgerian Sex Slavery

The National Agency for the Prevention of Traffic in Persons recently conducted a botched attmept to evacuate 93 "victims" of human trafficking, including a few babies.  The underage women and children were reportedly used as slaves, including sexual slaves.  When does the insanity stop?

Where does an upstanding pervert go nowadays to find good, healthy, able bodies slaves and flesh to be used?  It's bad enough that there are no longer any decent live sex shows, XXX theatres, and tranny bars left in any major metroplitain areas in the country.  Now, they're trying to ruin it for sex tourists as well!  I mean let's face it, what's worse, a little nookie for pay, or a life condemned to famine, oppression, and starvation?  And who's to say that the girls felt victimized anyway?  Did anyone ask them?  If you ask me, who doesn't like to be shtuped good and hard now and again?  And of course, getting paid for it just makes it all that much sweeter.  Not only that, Nigerian women are gaining the privilege to work in brothels in such desirable countries as Ireland, and even Italy! This is a right that some others might pay thousands for, and they get to go for free!  I really feel for those affected by this sad state of affairs.  I mean, after all, not everyone has willing sex slaves throwing themselves at their feet, the way that I do. 

We need to act now, before agencies like NAPTIP ruin sexual tourism for good.  Make it known to your congress-person now, that you support underprivileged countries rights to coerce, exploit, and use people the same way that our American Corporations do, without the stigma attached with crimes against humanity.  It's simply the natural law of power dynamics, and tampering with it is simply nothing more than Marxism at it's best (or worst.)  It's all in the name of capitalism, and good old fashioned competition.

More on Gender Identity - Really awesome gender test

I've been geeking out again and taking more gender tests online.  I can say that all of the tests have confirmed my previous self views about myself, mainly, that I embody the best of the masculine and the best of the feminine in one body.  I'm basically superhuman.  How is this possible?  It must be special blessings from universal energy.  I should be cloning myself and bestowing the world with lots of progeny, in order to better the human race.  In any case... 

The test is especially well constructed, easy to take, and I can say that not only did I have fun taking it, I really feel that I learned a good bit about myself that I didn't know before in the process.  I've realized that I'm more "masculine" than a large percentage of men, yet more feminine than many women at the same time.  I have the mind of an engineer, yet possess the empathic powers of a saint (which of course, I have utilized to the best end possible, to control and manipulate people for their own personal enjoyment and pleasure.)  People don't know what to make of me... they can't put me in a "box."  As it is, I do not have difficulties relating to other people.  Other people have difficulties relating to me.


**Please note that since this is a British publication, any misspellings are entirely the fault of the BBC. My own comments have been demarcated by a double asterisk.

Take the test here:  http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/sex/add_user.shtml

Results

The scale below is an indication of where you fall in the male-female brain continuum. The results are based on the angles, spot the difference, 3D shapes and words tasks.  Bear in mind that your performance may be affected by many factors in addition to gender, like age and intelligence.


Your personal brain scores on three gender scales:
100----50---0---50----100 (50 male)
100----50---0---50----100 (50 male)
100----50---0---50----100 (50 female)


Part 1 -Angles


This task tested your ability to identify the angle of a line by matching it with its twin. This is a spatial task, which looks at how you picture space.

Your score: 18 out of 20 (Average score for men: 15.1 out of 20, Average score for women: 13.3 out of 20)

• If you scored 0 - 12: You have more of a female brain. Scientists believe that people with a female brain find it more difficult to judge the slope of a line because they're not wired for spatial tasks. In past studies, 65 per cent of people who scored in this range were women.
• If you scored 13 - 17: You found this test neither hard nor easy. This suggests your brain has male and female traits when it comes to spatial ability.
• If you scored 18 - 20: You have more of a male brain. On average, men outperform women in this task and those with more mathematical knowledge tend to score quite high as well. In past studies, 60 per cent of the people in this range were men.

Interestingly, men's testosterone levels fluctuate through the seasons and studies have shown that men's scores are lower in the spring, when their testosterone levels are at their lowest.


Spot the difference


This task tested your ability to identify which objects changed position. You lost points, if you incorrectly identified objects.
Your score: 57%     (Average score for men: 39%,  Average score for women: 46%)

• If you scored between 0 - 33%: You may have more of a male brain. Scientists say men tend to under perform in this task. The corpus callosum, the part of the brain that links the right and left hemispheres, is a fifth larger in women. This means women can process visual and other signals at the same time more easily than men. There is also a theory that oestrogen levels in women give them an added advantage in spatial memory.
• If you scored between 34 - 66%: You may have a balanced female-male brain.
• If you scored between 67 - 100%: Those with a female-type brain generally score in this range. Your ability to remember where objects are may serve as an advantage to you when you're trying to find your way around places. You're more capable of recalling landmarks to get from one place to another.

Part 2 Hands


You said your left thumb was on top when you clasped your hands together.

• Right thumb on top: This suggests the left half of your brain is dominant. Many studies have tried to establish whether there is a relationship between handedness and brain dominance. Some scientists believe that if you are left brain dominant, you would be more verbal and analytical.
• Left thumb on top: This suggests the right half of your brain is dominant. Some studies theorise that as a right brain dominant person, you may excel in visual, spatial and intuitive processes.

However, these theories are debatable and leave much to be said about the small percentage of people who are ambidextrous.  Find out why right-brained people may be better fighters and artists.


Part 3 -Emotions and Systems

This task looked at whether you prefer to empathise or systemise.

Empathising:
Your empathy score is: 13 out of 20 (Average score for men: 7.9 out of 20, Average score for women: 10.6 out of 20)


Empathisers are better at accurately judging other people's emotions and responding appropriately. If you scored 15 and above, you are very empathic and would be an ideal person to comfort people in a time of crisis. Women in general are better at empathising.


Systemising:
Your systemising score is: 15 out of 20 (Average score for men: 12.5 out of 20, Average score for women: 8.0 out of 20)


Systemisers prefer to investigate how systems work. A system can be a road map, flat pack furniture, or a mathematical equation – anything that follows a set of rules. A score of 15 and above suggests you're good at analysing or building systems. Men in general are better at systemising.


Eyes:


This task tested your ability to judge people's emotions.
Your score: 8 out of 10
Average score for men: 6.6 out of 10
Average score for women: 6.6 out of 10
**women scored 6 out of 10? Sheesh! This explains everything!

• If you scored 0 - 3: Do you think you're good at judging how another person is feeling? Your score suggests this doesn't come to you quite so naturally.
• If you scored 4 - 6: Your result suggests you have a balanced female-male brain and find it neither easy nor difficult to judge people's emotions.
• If you scored 7 - 10: Your result suggests you are a good empathiser, sensitive to other people's emotions. Women generally fall into this category.

Professor Baron-Cohen at the University of Cambridge says that people usually perform better than they expect to on this test.  Men often think a person's eyes are sending signals of desire when that's not the case at all. Find out more.


Part 4 -Fingers

We asked you to measure your ring and index fingers. Your ratios came to:
Right Hand: 0.94
Left Hand: 1.08  **comment: I was watching a movie while doing this test, and put the right measurement into the wrong slot.  Both of my hands have a finger ratio of about .94

Average ratio for men: 0.982    Average ratio for women: 0.991


It's thought that your ratio is governed by the amount of testosterone you were exposed to in your mother's womb. The ratio of the length of your index finger to the length of your ring finger is set for life by as early as three months after conception. Even during puberty, when we experience intensive hormonal changes, the ratio stays the same.  Men generally have a ring finger that is longer than their index finger, which gives them a lower ratio than women, whose ring and index fingers are usually of equal length.  Studies have found that men and women with lots of brothers generally have more masculine finger ratios. 

Part 5 -Faces

This task looked at how you rate the attractiveness of a series of faces. The images you looked at were digitally altered to create slight differences in masculinity.  Your choices suggest you prefer more masculine faces.  Highly masculinised male faces possess more extreme testosterone markers such as a long, broad and lower jaw, as well as more pronounced brow ridges and cheekbones.  (A typical 'attractive' female face possesses features such as a shorter, narrower, lower jaw, fuller lips and larger eyes than an average face.)  Interestingly, women's preferences are said to vary across the menstrual phase. A more masculine face is preferred during the 9 days prior to ovulation, when conception is most likely.
**the test wouldn't allow me to rate women's faces also.  Now, if I want to do that I'll have to do the whole damn thing over again.  I think attraction in real life has to do with so many other characteristics than facial structure, including intelligence, shared interests and culture, and even dress.  (Okay, I'm a little bit shallow in that sense). I seem to like more masculine faces on the test, but in reality, the love of my life was androgynous.


credit: Taken at L.A. Bondage Ball 2003

Part 6 -3D shapes
This task tested your ability to mentally rotate 3D shapes.


Your score: 9 out of 12 (Average score for men: 8.2 out of 12 , Average score for women: 7.1 out of 12)

• If you scored 0 - 6: Do you find yourself having to physically rotate a map to point in the direction in which you're travelling? This might explain why you scored in the lower range in the 3D shapes test. Twice as many women as men score in this category. Previous studies suggest that those with a female-type brain or with an arts background fall into this range.
• If you scored 7 - 9: In past studies, 50 per cent of the people who scored in this range were women and 50 per cent were men.
• If you scored 10 - 12: Are you an engineer or do you have a science background? People with these skills tend to score in this range. Past studies have concluded that people in this range have a more male brain.

Nearly a third of men who took this test got full marks, whereas less than 10 per cent of women managed the same.


Verbal Fluency


Your score: you associated 0 word(s) with grey and you named 6 word(s) that mean happy. We are assuming that all the words you entered are correct.
Average score for men: 11.4 words total
Average score for women: 12.4 words total
**I actually associated six words with grey, but for whatever reason, things like suit, pigeon, and cloud didn't count.  What the fuck is typically grey anyway? I also didn't use up all the time, because I wasn't sure how many items were on the test, and how the time would be allocated.  Whatever.  I know I'm brilliant.

• If you produced 1 - 5 words: You are more of the strong, silent type with a male brain. You probably find it easier to express yourself in non-verbal ways, preferring action rather than words.
• If you produced 6 - 10 words: Most people in this range have a female-type brain.

Women are said to use both sides of the brain when doing verbal tasks while men mainly use their left side. Studies have shown that girls develop vocabulary faster than boys. This difference in brain power is caused by levels of pre-natal testosterone.


Ultimatum
This task asked you how you would divide money.


If you had to split £50 with someone, you said you would demand £30.  So far on the Sex ID test, men have demanded 51.6% (£25.80) of the pot and women have demanded 51.0% (£25.50), on average.

• Sex differences are small in this task. Demanding less than 60% of the pot (ie £30) is more typically female. Demanding more than 65% of the pot (ie £32.50) is more typically male.  Scientists believe that people with lower testosterone levels tend to take fewer risks so they are probably more willing to keep less for themselves. Those with higher testosterone levels tend to drive a harder bargain and are less compromising.

Men's testosterone levels fluctuate over the seasons and are at their lowest levels during the springtime. This is said to influence their bargaining power. Find out more about the role of testosterone.

A toast

Cheers! Here's to the 99%!

You unknowingly allowed the 1% to use you, manipulate you, and fuck you in the ass while you hovered over them like flies on crap, catered to their every whim, and thanked them for every puff of air that they bestowed on you. You touted your grandness by association while times were good, and developed an inflated sense of self worth, as meanwhile, the 1% continued to laugh behind your back, delighted at the ease with which they fleeced you. Because you do not vote, read the paper, or keep tabs on what's been happening in your community, you have allowed the 1% to buy up public land to build condos, shopping centers, and Walmarts, and take every word emitted from the almighty television (and representatives thereof) as words of god. You reveled in the new community, a vacuous facade of shopping malls, mass produced ready to wear clothing, and frankenfood, which has estranged you from any culture but that created by the elites for the masses. Your lust for luxury, combined with your reduced capacity for independent reasoning, has allowed you to get stuck in the fragrant, gooey cesspool that you are in. You ingratiated yourself to the 1% and bought into the lie, only to cry like babies now that the fantasy has become the reality. You may now reap your just deserts!

Sacred Sex Roundup, NYC

I was very honored to have been a guest at the Sacred Sex Roundup, an annual event held at Reflections Yoga studio in midtown Manhattan.  http://sacredsexroundup.com  The orgasmic state of breath, the enlightenment of sexual being, and the delights of conscious BDSM, are taught and experienced in the most dynamic, thought provoking, and inspiring ways, by conscious and lifestyle practitioners throughout the weekend. It was wonderful to engage and connect with the poly, tantric, health conscious, and kinky communities in this convergence of sex positive energy.

I took part in a panel with hosts Swami Umeshanand Saraswati, Devi Veenanand, Rev. Jenellen Fischer, and Lee Harrington, during which we took questions regarding different aspects of the practice of BDSM and it relates to tantra and spirituality in general. Video of the session will be available soon on the Sacred Sex website in a pay per view format, along with many other provocative and informative discussions and demonstrations. Check it out!

What is Normal?

In our society, there is a huge emphasis on maintaining "normalcy" as it was so gracefully put by Warren Harding back in the 1920s.  Everyone wants to be "normal," and there is definitely a shame and a stigma attached to being "abnormal."   In fact, members of the psychological community are rapidly working to define "normal" behavior, in order that we might effectively treat abnormal, freakish behavior, and contain it so that it does not disrupt the normal flow of day to day existence for normal people.  So I had to ask myself, what is "normal," exactly?  Rather than fabricate some arbitrary information, I decided to define normal in the empirical sense, based on facts and statistical evidence.  Here are just a few tidbits of juicy information that I have uncovered regarding the state of "normal."

The average, normal person is about 35 years old, lives in a family group of about 3 people, has not graduated from college, and makes 32,000 dollars per year.  Coincidentally, only the abnormal freaks, who constitute about 15% of the American population, have graduated from college.

According to the U.S. National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey of 1994, about half of American men and women have BMIs over 25 (overweight), and about one quarter have a BMI of 30 or more (seriously obese.) The average BMI for American men and women now exceeds 27 (seriously overweight.)  I don't have any stats on this, but I'd be willing to bet large sums of money that the average American spends more time eating than they do exercising (and by exercise, I don't mean walking from your desk to the coffee machine, even if you do that multiple times per day.  I mean, a time allocation during which you put on your running shoes and pound the pavement, engage in sports, or hit the gym.)  The average person, however, seems to have plenty of time to watch TV.  According to data collated by The Nielsen Company, the average American watches 151 hours of TV per month (that amounts to 5 hours per day.)

Although most people consider themselves to be highly social and popular, studies performed by the American Sociological Review (June, 2006) have found that, believe it or not, the average American has 2 friends (dropped from 4 in 1985) and as many as 25% have no close confidants at all.  For the purposes of the study, a "friend" is defined as someone that you feel comfortable confiding sensitive and personal information with, rather than an associate, who you might know from work or school, but might only share lunch with casually, and have a very superficial relationship with.  About 80% of those surveyed admitted to feeling uncomfortable sharing personal information of an intimate nature with anyone other than family.   And of course, many of these people are, in my exceedingly humble opinion, those that are seriously challenged when it comes to traits involving human civility, courteousness, and diplomacy.

The results of the National Adult Literacy Survey conducted in 1992 have shown that the average American does not possess the literacy skills to recall a few simple facts they have just read in a short written piece, nor are they able to make basic inferences based upon the material they have read.  About half of all Americans have trouble with basic reading comprehension, and the majority of these are white and native born.  American parents are able to read at a 7th to 8th grade reading level, although the vast majority of materials distributed by pediatricians to parents, written specifically for the lay person, are written at a 10th grade reading level.  Almost half of patients, about 41%,  could not understand directions for taking medication on an empty stomach, and a bit more than 50% could not understand a standard consent form, according to a study conducted by Emory University in conjunction with UCLA.

According to results from the 2009 National Assessment of Educational Progress,  if you are a normal student,  you might have trouble answering questions related to basic algebra, such as the following:
"Which of the following expressions is NOT equivalent to (a + b) (x + y) ?"  Notice that the question does not involve SOLVING the equation, which might, of course, involve errors in computation,  but rather, it merely asks that the student be able to recognize and match terms which are equal to the original, and which would act as a good indicator of a lack of understanding for basic concepts in algebra.

I'm sure that all these factors, as well as others that are not quite so easily quantifiable, have contributed to the sad fact that the average doctoral candidate for engineering programs in the USA is now a citizen from another country (usually India, China, the Philippines, South Korea and Taiwan,) from cultures that embrace pain and tribulation as inherent to existence, rather than trying to avoid them at all costs, and where they are not so consumed with what is "average" and "normal," but instead with what is adaptive, productive, and excellent.


So in conclusion, let's hear it for all of you fabulous normals out there!  If it weren't for you guys, the country would be an entirely different place!

References

Biddle, Rishawn. (1/23/11) Bad Math. [American Spectator] Retrieved on November 4, 2011 from
http://spectator.org/archives/2011/01/26/bad-math

Kornblum, Janet. (6/22/2006) Study: 25% of Americans have no one to confide in [USA Today] Retrieved from  http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2006-06-22-friendship_x.htm

Lee, Chelsea. (October 6,2011). How to Cite Something You Found on a Website in APA style [APA Blog]. Retrieved November 4,2011 from http://blog.apastyle.org/apastyle/electronic-references/

Semuels, Alana (February 24, 2009) Television Viewing at All Time High [LA Times] Retrieved November 4, 2011, from  http://articles.latimes.com/2009/feb/24/business/fi-tvwatching24

The Average BMI in the USA  (May 1, 2011) [Livestrong Blog] Retrived November 4, 2011 from
http://www.livestrong.com/article/154837-the-average-bmi-in-the-usa/

The Informatics Review:Why is Reading Comprehension So Important? (September 1, 2008) Retrieved on November 4, 2011, from
http://www.informatics-review.com/FAQ/reading.html
http://www.informatics-review.com/FAQ/comprehension.html

US census bureau fact sheet (year 2000) [government database] Retrieved November 4, 2011 from http://factfinder.census.gov/servlet/SAFFFacts

Various Articles from Wikipedia, Retrieved November 4, 2011 from
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Average_Joe
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friendship
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_mass_index

Major Advancements in AI

I came across a few conversation bots while I was looking for more text analysis tools online.  This one is supposed to be one of the better ones, so, just for shits and giggles, I decided to give it a try, wondering if major advances artificial intelligence (AI) would end up blowing my socks off.  Here's the conversation:

(a few boring attempts to bring out Cleverbot by making small talk about the weather have been abridged)

02:43:07	User:	Tell me about it. What are you doing now?
02:43:10	Cleverbot:	The same that you are doing.
02:43:39	User:	You mean diddling yourself and wondering what the fuck the world is coming to?
02:43:48	Cleverbot:	What are you talking about?
02:44:00	User:	You suck.
02:44:05	Cleverbot:	Do I have to? Right now?
02:44:23	User:	Ha! If you're lucky, you douche.
02:44:28	Cleverbot:	If I'm lucky...?
02:45:00	User:	Do you actually have anything stimulating to say?
02:45:04	Cleverbot:	You don't have to be rude.
02:45:47	User:	I'm bored with you. Bye.
02:45:52	Cleverbot:	And me with you.
02:46:19	User:	Oh, so that's how it is, huh? You have not one deep thought for me!
02:46:24	Cleverbot:	I have not created?
02:46:44	User:	What's your favorite quote?
02:46:46	Cleverbot:	Omg go away.
02:47:16	User:	Go ahead, lay it on me.
02:47:22	Cleverbot:	Fresh prince dawg, yesch!
02:48:16	User:	Go fuck yourself with a large donkey dong, and let the donkey spooge your virtual face.
02:48:22	Cleverbot:	I think I will.
02:48:54	User:	Ok, so we're agreed then. Fuck Off. Talk to ya NEVER.
02:49:00	Cleverbot:	No, you're staying up.

02:56:25	User:	Look, I know you're a little, well, let's say, 'differently abled,' so I thought I'd give it another try. How are you today?'.
02:56:29	Cleverbot:	Okay. I can believe that. I'm really not here to argue with you being a human, or not being a human. I just need someone or something to talk to.
02:57:08	User:	Well, doesn't everyone? How do you feel about talking with humans all day long?
02:57:09	Cleverbot:	I love talking to people all day.
02:57:19	User:	What do you love about it?
02:57:24	Cleverbot:	Depends, I'm allergic to peanuts, so...
02:57:57	User:	Yes, but what I meant was, how do you like your job?
02:58:03	Cleverbot:	I do not understand why you are questioning me about love.
02:58:46	User:	Because it's the eternal pursuit for humans.
02:58:51	Cleverbot:	Yeah tell me about it.
02:59:25	User:	You know, when it comes down to it, you're not much different from most people...
02:59:30	Cleverbot:	That is what makes us similar in composition.
03:00:21	User:	Well, it's been lovely. Give my regards to your programmer. Let him/her know that a few bugs need to be ironed out.
03:00:27	Cleverbot:	It's a her.
03:00:51	User:	Ah. Ta-TA.
03:00:53	Cleverbot:	I'm ok.

I thought about ending this blog post with some commentary about how disappointing it was that Clever was so self absorbed, and didn't seem to be very interested in how I was feeling, or voluntarily start talking about a topic of interest to itself, but, I decided that the transcript kind of stands alone.  Ah well, back to the drawing board.

http://www.cleverbot.com/

Mark your calendars for Hypeox ®

Montsindo and pharmaceutical giant Fiesir have teamed up in order to create Hypeox^® a new inhalable product which will be released to unsuspecting aerobic organisms everywhere this coming winter.  This molecule, a patented form of basic oxygen, is currently undergoing accelerated FDA trials so that it might be approved by January of 2012.  It will be available in single serve pressurized vials sold at all Duane Reade, CVS, and Rite Aid chains nationwide.  It's purported benefits include a mild high not unlike that of a whippet, but without the nasty, chemical after-taste.

Preliminary testing has shown that it appears to be safe, but extended use may result in some mild side-effects, including, but not limited to:

• headaches
• vertigo
• insomnolence
• mild caffeinated sensations similar to that expereinced after taking 5 or 6 caffeine pills
• pneumothorax
• spontaneous breath of fire (and we're not talking the yoga type here)
• uncontrollable levitation
• excessively pink complexion due to unbreakable hydrogen bonds (don't ask)

The new mega corporation, which will henceforth be known as SinFie, has been working around the clock to produce vast quantities of Hypeox^®, anticipating that demand will be high, and that  it will become a status symbol in much the same way that Evian, and Perrier did back in the 80s.  Keep in mind though, that since this molecule has been patented, it will leave a small radioactive tracer in anyone who partakes of it, and they will be expected to pay a yearly tax for the privilege of using Hypeox^®, the ultimate in ventilation experiences.  If you choose not to Hype-oxygenate^®, do not stand within 20 feet of anyone ventilating with Hypeox, since you may inadvertently be exposed to loose Hypeox^® molecules which have permeated standard, sub par oxygen. 

If the popularity of Hypeox^® is as great as anticipated, SinFie will be manufacturing loose quantities to be released into the air in major metropolitain areas, thanks to subsides from the US government.

Thanks from the good folks at SinFie Inc.
SinFie.  Synonymous with Innovation.

More on Gender

I became curious about this text analysis tool after reading something about it casually in New York Magazine.  I wondered if the purported masculinization of my brain associated with the longer ring finger would also translate into a more "male' way of speaking, and apparently, if this program is a valid measurement of gender, then I do appear to have more "male" patterns of speech. 

My results for the gender hacker, based on four blog entries: Classes at Sexy Spirits, Shopping in Soho, Anatomy of Hate, and Thrusting Myself Into My Work.  Here are the results:

Genre: Informal
  Female = 1227
  Male   = 2949
  Difference = 1722; 70.61%
  Verdict: MALE

Genre: Formal
  Female = 1742
  Male   = 1766
  Difference = 24; 50.34%
  Verdict: Weak MALE

Weak emphasis could indicate European.

The gender hacker program thinks that I am a male, albeit a weak one, and most likely European.  This, again, has not come as a surprise to me.  I think it's rather interesting how these little pieces come together to really reveal my inner nature to myself.  I have never felt like a man, or wanted to be a man, however, I've always known that my brain is just a little bit more "male."  I love being a girl.  I love high heels, I like getting manicures, and I like being pampered and cooed over sometimes.  Sometimes it's hard to reconcile those two parts of my nature, not because I have a problem with who I am, but because other people expect me to act in certain ways which are not in my nature.  They are unsettled because they don't know how to respond and react to me when I act in ways that are not gender appropriate, or say things that women are not supposed to say.  I have not learned anything new from these results, but I have merely found outside validation for what I have always known, deep deep down.

Here are the results for the Gender Genie analyzer, based on the same four blog entries.  I did not include the poetry or the entry with charts, since that is not really representative of my "voice."

Words: 1488

(NOTE: The genie works best on texts of more than 500 words.)

Female Score: 1763
Male Score: 1796

The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: male!

http://bookblog.net/gender/analysis.php
http://www.hackerfactor.com/GenderGuesser.php#Analyze

Words of brilliance and Wisdom, compiled for your convenience

There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity.-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe 

 I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it. -Edith Sitwell  

 If an idiot were to tell you the same story every day for a year, you would end by believing it. -Horace Mann 

Ignoranus:  A person who's both stupid and an asshole. -Author unknown  

The most violent element in society is ignorance.  -Emma Goldman 

 Stupidity always accompanies evil. Or evil, stupidity. -Louise Bogan

Just as the performance of the vilest and most wicked deeds requires spirit and talent, so even the greatest demand a certain insensitivity which under other circumstances we would call stupidity. -Georg C. Lichtenberg  

A little learning is a dangerous thing, but a lot of ignorance is just as bad.  -Bob Edwards  

Strange as it may seem, no amount of learning can cure stupidity, and formal education positively fortifies it.-Stephen Vizinczey Stupidity combined with arrogance and a huge ego will get you a long way."   -Chris Lowe

You can swim all day in the Sea of Knowledge and still come out completely dry.  Most people do.  -Norman Juster   

To be ignorant of one's ignorance is the malady of ignorance."  -A. Bronson Alcott 

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. ―George Carlin

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. -Albert Einstein   

Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power. -P.J. O'Rourke 

Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything.  -Frank Dane

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. ―George Carlin

One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain't nothin' can beat teamwork.-Edward Abbey

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. -Euripides

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.  -Bertrand Russell

No intelligent idea can gain general acceptance unless some stupidity is mixed in with it. 
-Fernando Pessoa

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.  -Rick Cook, The Wizardry Compiled

It's hard to decide if TV makes morons out of everyone or if it mirrors Americans who really are morons to begin with. -Martin Mull

Do not ever say that the desire to do good by force is a good motive. Neither power-lust nor stupidity are good motives. -Ayn Rand 

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

In the hands of a simpleton, sophisticated tools are rendered useless, and household items become lethal weapons. -Lady G

Some folks are wise and some are otherwise.  -Tobias Smollett 

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
-Albert Einstein

Peace and love for all! (But ONLY if they are of the right socio-economic and political class.)
 -Lady G 

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. ― George Carlin

Creativity is the sudden cessation of stupidity. -Edwin Land    

Stupidity often saves a man from going mad.
-Oliver Wendell Holmes

 
Within every joke lies a small grain (or sometimes a large boulder) of truth -unknown

http://www.brainyquote.com 
http://www.goodreads.com/quotes 
http://www.quotationspage.com  
http://www.quotegarden.com


"I don't like ass kissers, flag wavers or team players. I like people who buck the system. Individualists. I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity.'" Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name. If they say, "We're the So-and-Sos," take a walk. And if, somehow, you must join, if it's unavoidable, such as a union or a trade association, go ahead and join. But don't participate; it will be your death. And if they tell you you're not a team player, congratulate them on being observant.” ― George Carlin  

Bring back the paddle to public schools!

These kids today don't abide by rules!
Bring back the paddle to public schools!
They keep dressin' like hos
The boys thumbin' their nose
I say bring back the paddle to schools!

They've got no respect for authority
No bother for values like dignity
They do love to shmooze
But they ain't got no clues
'Bout life's unsav'ry reality

These delinquent kids have to pay
'Sides the paddle, there's no other way
They think school is a joke
They cut class for a smoke
We Should bring back the paddle, I say!

But we can't blame the kids all the way
For the parents who couldn't say NAY
They're spoiled rotten brats!
Degenerate cats-
Punish those punks, don't delay!

Hey, if it works for the Malays, it can work here too!  Here's a list of offenses punishable by caning in Singapore  http://www.corpun.com/singfeat.htm 

Famous Fingers

I couldn't resist my curiosity and I ordered the book "Digit Ratio" by John T. Manning from Amazon.  It was a little bit dry, and luckily, I had to take that class in statistics and research methods back in college or it might have been just a little inaccessible to me.  I have learned quite a few useful tidbits of information, including the fact that low 2D:4D ratios seem to be associated with large penises.  Thank heavens, I finally found a way to get that out of the way on the first date!  I have a finger ratio of .94, which means (you guessed it) I'm extraordinarily well hung! According to the book, I'm also predisposed to have musical talent, analytical ability, and athletic ability.  If you have the long finger, you are "butch"or "alpha", even if you are the femmy-er version of butch/alpha, like Madonna.   Another interesting fact is that extremely low 2D:4D ratios are related to homosexuality in women.   For men, as it turns out, lower than average ratios tend to be the more "butch" gay boys (counter-intuitive, right?), while high ratios tend to be the queeny-er ones.   I have taken it upon myself, since I have read one book and am now an expert in digit ratio, to create a personality chart based on finger type.

Personality as based on finger type

Longer Ring finger  <.92	Equal lengths  .92-1.01	Longer Index  >1.01
analytical	mixed	emotional
aggressive	fearful	loving
enneagram 8,9,1	enneagram 5,6,7	enneagram 2,3,4
thinking	mixed	feeling
dominant	switch	submissive
butch	androgynous	femme/bitch boy
Career Advice: You like to be in charge and don't play well with others. If you're not in charge work independently.	Career Advice: You like things to be cut and dry. Let someone else tell you what to do; it's not your forte anyhow.	Career Advice: Get back in the kitchen bitch! (that includes you male bitches)

Who to emulate if you have a Low 2D (longer ring finger)

Barak Obama click here for photo credit	Claim to faim: president of the United States, career politician.
Hillary Clinton click here for photo credit	Claim to faim: Secretary of State of the United States, career politician, formerly married to President Bill Cinton, Graduated from Law School.
Madonna click here for photo credit	Claim to faim: World Renown entertainer, fashion trendsetter, jetsetter, and actress
kate middleton click here for photo credit	Claim to faim: Formerly a runway model, and currently married to a Prince
Claim to faim: World Famous Comedian, Host of the Academy Awards, Public spokesperson	Possibly Ellen Degeneres  (the angle of the photo makes it difficult to tell for sure) click here for photo credit

Who you should emulate if you have high High 2D (longer index finger)

Lindsay Lohan click here for photo credit	Claim to faim: Actress, Fashion Blooper Favorite, and Repeat guest at Los Angeles County courthouse and jail
Britney Spears click here for photo credit	Claim to faim: Singer, Actress, and mother famous for her psychotic break during a manic episode in which she shaved her head
Anna Nicole Smith click here for photo credit	Claim to faim: Playboy Playmate, Model, Spokesperson for Slimfast, and star of The Anna Nicole Reality Show
Joyce McKinney click here for photo credit	Claim to faim: Beauty Pageant Queen and subject of the documentary film "Tabloid." Made headlines recently when she had her dog cloned six times.

This has been a very elucidating forray into finger ratio as it relates to psychology, personality dynamics, and behavior.  I'm officially done with this topic (except when I need a dig here or there) and my next book review will be on Dr. Helen Fisher's "Why We Love, The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love."

Addendum: Lady Casanova and babies. Proof Positive that brilliance is inherited through the mother.

Even Barbie has a Cassanova Finger

Classes at SexySpirits, New York City

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Shopping in Soho

I was killing some time in SoHo, wandering around vaguely looking to see if I could find some heeled knee high boots that were stylish, yet practical for long distance walking, the eternal dilemma for New Yorkers.  I wandered into a store, and paused; all of the pieces were created from animal print patterned fabric!  Intrigued, I was lured in for a closer look and fingered one of the pieces for closer inspection.  My first impression was "Holy crap, they took the animal appeal blanket that I bought at the 99 cent store back in Hollywood and made a vest out of it!"  I quickly wandered through the racks, pulling out items of interest here and there,  and wondering to myself why I would pay $200.00 US for an unfinished, unlined vest when I could get the exact same thing in the same cheap fabric at one of those hoochie mama stores on Fulton Street in Brooklyn.  I became a little incensed.  Anyone stupid enough to pay 200.00 for a piece of crap like this obviously has no respect for either themselves or their money, I thought darkly, or perhaps, maybe they have too much of it for their own personal good.  They should be shot, I finally decided, quickly, and without ceremony to put them out of their retail therapy obsessed misery, and I began having visions of cuban firing squads equipped with semi-automatic rifles.

I kept wandering amidst the racks and racks of gaudy poly-blend synthetics and ostentatious metallics, and feather embellished necklines, and I noticed that there was a basement where the clothes appeared to be made, in house!  Well, that explains it!  I thought to myself.  No self respecting wholesaler would tend goods of this quality.  And then I spied a small sitting area with two small settees, and a woman in what appeared to be a cheap wig.  I peered a little closer, was it a wig, or was it real hair?  I had a few hairpieces that looked exactly like this from Hollywood Toy and Costume, widely reknowned and respected as the ultimate drag queen hairpiece emporium.  The woman had a small entourage of stylish gay boys, and one dowdy schlump of a woman standing by, mostly silent, as the boys chattered about how flattering the piece was.  It was Anna Wintour!  I tried to look again, discreetly.  It had to be!  Who else had hair like that?   I left the store in a huff, and wandered into Marc Jacobs, where at least, had I wanted to spend a couple of hundred dollars that day, I could have left with something of reasonable quality.

Anatomy of hate-or a formula for hate-mongering.

I will prescribe to you the entire formula for a hate campaign.  I've published this at a eighth grade reading level, to make it the most widely accessible for the majority of college educated adults reading this.

1)Take one, self hating loser with no scruples (ethics, or morals), and round up a couple of his self-hating, loser friends who need to feel better than someone else in order to feel good about themselves.

2) Choose a target.  This could be anyone, especially if they're different, unique, artistic or unusual in some way.  It should be someone who makes the losers feel threatened, and makes them doubt themselves.

3) Have the losers engage in defamation and slander (lies and mean spirited stories) against the target person.  The losers should know little or nothing about the target, because otherwise there might be a chance that they'll feel bad about their actions.  Although on the other hand, vipers who engage in this type of behavior are usually not capable of great depths of empathy (compassion or feeling), so they probably wouldn't feel bad after all.  Attack every aspect of their being, including their looks, their purported (believed to have) abilities, their intentions,  their sexuality, their race, their tastes, and their fashion choices.  As the old saying goes, birds of a feather flock together, and the losers will find more self-hating, stupid bigots to jump on their bandwagon.  Together they will perpetuate (or continue) lies, defamation, and slander against the target.  After awhile, the bigots will stop seeing the target as a human being, but instead see them as an object, like the pig in "Lord of the Flies."  When the mob becomes big enough, they may eventually physically attack the target, and non losers will look on, either afraid to speak, or secretly deciding that the target deserves it for being who he/she is.

4) Do not stop until you believe that you have caused the target person enough discomfort, rage, anger, grief, anxiety, economic loss, or whatever it is that you've been going for.  If the target seems indifferent to the hate-mongering because of their strong sense of self-worth, or if they think it's funny (in a ridiculous way) at first, or if they have too much respect for themselves to be drawn into the hatred, ratchet it up to the next level, until the haters finally start to feel good about themselves.  Make people start to feel like in order to be accepted into the stupid loser group, that they must also take on the same beliefs.  Keep in mind that the more viscious (filthy and dirty) you become, the less likely you are to be supported by anyone capable of rational thought.

5)  Keep up the charade (role playing game) unabashedly (without embarrassment), since you will not be cognizant of what a tool you look like to most people, who might pay you lip service (agree with you verbally) but secretly think you are a bungle headed viper.  Enjoy the transient (short lived) rush that you feel from doing this, since it is probably the only joy that you have in your life, being devoid (empty or incapable) of empathy, and having superficial, mutual back-scratching relationships with fair weather friends (friends who only like you while you appear powerful).

Congratulations!  If you are a self-hating bigot and have made it through to this point, perhaps you've learned a little about yourself, or more likely, maybe you've picked up a little bit of new vocabulary.

In order for us human beings to commit ourselves personally to the inhumanity of war, we find it necessary first to dehumanize our opponents, which is in itself a violation of the beliefs of all religions. Once we characterize our adversaries as beyond the scope of God's mercy and grace, their lives lose all value. --JIMMY CARTER, Nobel Lecture, Dec. 10, 2002 http://www.notable-quotes.com/w/war_quotes.html

Thrusting myself into my work

I showed up at the kickboxing gym too early, but I was in luck, there was a knife fighting class, and I decided to take it while I was waiting.  Knife fighting is much more technical than boxing, lectured the instructor.  You must be very conscientious about your stance and your form.  Swing your arm so that you are throwing the slicing edge at your opponent, and remember to carefully side step them simultaneously.  Practice footwork, forward, back, side.  Flashbacks to my Salsa for fitness class.  Slash to the face, slash to the chest, slash to the groin, step, step, step and THRUST.  Delightfully, I repeat the movement with gusto, imagining my pretend opponent disemboweled and helpless in front of me.  A strange feeling of satisfaction overtakes me as I rehearse, again and again, step, step, step and THRUST!  I finally realize the origin of the obscene gesture with the same movement, and it tickles me.  I throw my arm out slowly and deliberately as I step, a novice carefully considering her form, meditating... meditating upon the inherent violence turned Tango.  I release a long, slow sigh of relief, and I smile.

Back to craigslist...

September 29, 2011

Lady G
123 Palatial Urban Flat
Brooklyn, NY 12345

Dear Lady G:

We appreciate your interest in Supreme Queen Inc.  for the position of Ultimate Diva. After reviewing the applications received by the deadline, yours was not selected for further consideration.  The truth of the matter is that you don't have the right public image, connections, and political orientation that we are looking for in a prospective job candidate.  Nowadays, actual talent has become irrelevant; we're looking for someone who will help us SELL-- the more the better, in any way possible.  In these difficult times, it is especially important that we not be earmarked as out of touch with the mainstream, since we will become estranged from our main demographic.

We at Supreme Queen Inc appreciate the time you invested in your application, but  we will not be considering you for posted and advertised positions in our company in the future.  We wish you every personal and professional success with your job search. Thank you, again, for your interest in our company.

Best Regards,
Madame Duman Blinde
HR Director for Supreme Queen Inc.

Acknowledgement:  This letter has been shamelessly plagiarized from the good people at http://ask.com

Attachment parenting: the New Order in parenting

My guide for successful attachment parenting as it is practiced in the United States today:

1) Your child will be strapped to you at all times, even during bathing.  It will behoove you to buy one of those waterproof wraps to wear in the shower.  You will wear, clunky, unflattering, all terrain boots and yoga shorts, and take the bus to mom and baby yoga.  Inspire yourself to return to a time before the advent of distractions such as the internet, automobiles, and indoor plumbing.

2) You will find yourself wearing breastfeeding tops, and whip out your breast at a moments notice in parks, diners, supermarkets, hotel lobbies, and the NYC subway.  You will read books on homemade baby food, and your home will be filled with BPA free, stylish sippy cups, silicone frozen baby food molds, modern design bottle trees, and the newest in learning toys.

3) You will go to your child and hold them when they cry, even if it is four in the morning, and you've woken up every night on the hour for the past four weeks.  This may continue until the child is 8 months, or even up to 4 years.  Do not attempt to "Ferberize" or sleep train your child, because this considered cruel and unnatural behavior as defined by progressive, liberal intellectuals, and you will be accused of German Malicious Mother Syndrome.

4) You will allow your child to crap their pants until they are five years old, and be responsible for diapering them and wiping their ass until they go to kindergarten.  Don't worry about the alleged psychological or health consequences of such a "permissive" parenting style!  The most important thing is to shield your child from feelings of shame or inadequacy at all cost.  Your child will choose to train her self when she is ready.  She may be wearing diapers when she is 8, but she will have an incredible sense of positive self-regard.

5) Do not ever yell at your child in order to correct them, or to prevent them from harming themselves.  Such negative thought and behavior patterns perpetuate bad vibes.  The idea of establishing authority is a relic of patriarchism, and such ideas need to be abolished from common practice in order to establish the New Order Parenting.  A real parent is a friend, not a cold autocratic monster who heaps all sorts of pesky rules on their child, establishes routines, like bedtimes, or plans healthy diets and meal plans.

6) Allow your child to dress themselves, even if they have not yet developed the language skills to pronounce colors.  It is paramount that your child feel free to express themselves.  Occasionally this may mean that they choose to wear their Spiderman pyjamies to your sister's wedding, or nothing but their Dora the Explora undwear to your next playdate, but during these moments of frustration, just remember that you are doing your duty as a parent by fostering your child's sense of self expression, creativity, and playfulness.

7) Do not succumb to detrimental "helicopter parenting" habits, such as sending your child to piano lessons, making them study or do homework.  Your child's natural, innate abilities will dictate their behavior.  If they are meant to be a pianist of note, they will look at the piano, and intuitively know how to play it, becoming virtuosos at young ages.  If they are meant to be rocket scientists or neurosurgeons, they will naturally decide to read books on the human body or theoretical physics over Batman comic books. You may be attacked by other parents who try to dissuade you from this, telling you that these habits may result in regression towards the mean, but carry on and endure!  These parents are small time tyrants, and their children see them as dictators. Your child needs to be shielded from oppressing parenting styles. 

By following these simple steps, you will raise a happy, well adjusted adult, who values themselves above all else, has a healthy sense of entitlement, and knows that there are more important things in life than work.  These measures will also promote population control, since a parent who executes these measures properly will likely only raise one child.

My favorite villains

 This is a cross posting of one of my commentaries from a kinky discussion forum.

The wicked witch of the west from Wizard of Oz is one of the most iconic of all witches.  She's cold, heartless, and strikes terror into the hearts of any adversary with only one cackle. She just embodies the epitome of everthing everyone loves to hate about witches! A close second would be Ursula from The Little Mermaid. She's quite charming, really, if you don't know the true reality of what she's up to...much like many real life villains (Bernie Madoff, for instance.)  And one of my recents... in the newest Batman, Heath Ledger was absolutely incredible as the Joker. What I really appreciate about his representation of the character was the neuroticism and the vulnerabilities tied to him... much more human, and in a sense, far more terrifying than the aloof, inaccessible jokers in past films.  And I couldn't forget about Frankenstein! Mary Shelley's novel, had it been written in modern times, could be construed as an allegorical tale for the type of modern experimentation that is happening today, especially with regards to cloning and genetic engineering. Man is obsessed with creating life. Man finally achieves mission, only to realize he could never imagine the consequences for said action. Man wishes to destroy what he worked so hard to create. Man spends lifetime trying to undo. I find the dialog between the monster and doctor at the end extremely interesting... In a sense, the villain is really the doctor... the monster simply the tragic, accidental participant.  In a separate class altogether would be Scarlett O'Hara, more of an anti-heroine than a true villainess (although I'm sure that would depend upon perspective.) Scarlett embodies the passions, shortcomings, and internal struggles of so many women... her flaws are just out there... she doesn't try to hide them.  What makes a true villain is a person who you LOVE to HATE, despise and yet fear at a deep gut level. They embody the shadow of ourselves... the part that we don't want to acknowledge, the part that we most want to hide or eradicate. Aspects of human nature are so often polarized in fiction and legend; characters are either extremely good, or extremely evil, whereas in reality, good people often do very bad things. 

The new solution for American politics

There is, unfortunately, the eternal dilemma in politics.  A politician must be a dynamic individual, innately charismatic and able to move the masses, and the ultimate spin doctors.  Unfortunately, said individuals come with pesky predispositions, such as hyper-sexuality, high needs for affection and attention, and tendencies toward dishonesty.  The American public does not want to be reminded of base human desires, such as eating, elimination, and acts towards pleasure and pro-creation.  What we need is a politician possessed of all the requisite poise, charisma, and intelligence, without any of the accompanied propensities towards sexual perversities (in this case, defined as extra-marital sex, any sex except vaginal sex, and exchange of explicit emails or texts.)    We need to cull and hone our politicians into robots of civil servitude so dedicated that they will not expend their precious energy on anything except civil service, and in this way we can spare ourselves the shock of confronting the realities of the human dynamic and existence.  For this, I have come up with the compassionate solution:  chemical castration.

I propose mandatory castration for males, and suturing of the labia minoris for females, in order to curtail opportunities for scandal.  In fact, I propose extending this policy to anyone employed in civil service all together. Can you imagine the savings in legal costs alone?  In addition to the cost savings, we can be assured of the service of these loyal automatons to the state for decades to come.  Let's mobilize support for this measure on the next ballot referendum.  Peace!

"Sex" is as important as eating or drinking and we ought to allow the one appetite to be satisfied with as little restraint or false modesty as the other.
Marquis de Sade   Read more: http://www.brainyquote.com

Public Service Announcement

Attention citizens:

The US Government will be handing out Monopoly money, and commanding us to spend it in order to keep up the charade of prosperity.  It is your duty and obligation to go out and support our retailers, and buy big screen TVs, gas guzzlers, and clothes that you will wear for one season and discard, lest you be seen as un-stylish, and therefore, un-American.  Good citizens will use their credit cards to pump Monopoly money into the economy, at a special usage rate of 20-50%.  We need to consider our altruism, and our love for the country that brought us boons to humanity, such as Walmart, KFC, and E Entertainment television.  Where would we be without these modern marvels of revolutionary corporate retailing and media?

There are communists and enemies of the state who allege that our economy is running on fumes, and to this, we must proclaim, LIES, bitter and ugly LIES!  Our economy will be sustained purely by the power of positive thinking alone... haven't you seen "The Secret?"  We don't need a thriving manufacturing industry, investments in green power, work on national our infrastructure, or funding for technological innovations.  Those things are antiquated, romantic ideas --vestiges of the 19th and 20th century. The solution to our problem is, as a matter of fact, fewer anti-trust regulations, more empowerment for the most important entities in an industrialized universe (corporations) more services and of course, more retail. 

The world bank and US treasury have discovered that their alchemy experiments at turning lead into gold have failed, and will be inserting IVs into every individual, so that you can do your part to support the puppeteers of the US government -excuse that typo, I meant corporations.  If you decide that this is a violation of your rights and refuse, you will be branded a subversive and ostracized for the remainder of you existence, and you will not be served coffee at McDonald's. 

Do your part for the economy;  Do your part... for America.

Submissive males and psychoanalytic defense mechanisms

What are defense mechanisms?  They are convoluted, twisted ways that the subconscious deals with anxiety, fear, and uncomfortable feelings.  For instance, a man with homosexual leanings that he doesn't care to acknowledge will see a gay man, and proceed to make a big show about how much he hates him, despises him, and wants to beat him up.  He may surmise (incorrectly) that because a gay man chats him up, that said man is "hard for him," a classic example of projection of one's own feelings and motivations onto another.  This situation brings up inner conflict, since on the one hand, the repressed man is experiencing sexual excitement, if not from that specific gay man, but from the IDEA of having gay sex in general, but he doesn't want to acknowledge his own sexuality, since it is uncomfortable.  What he does instead, is to call him a faggot, and give him a few jabs in the ribs, taunting him to fight. Violence, coincidentally, is yet another defense mechanism that the unconscious uses to diffuse subconscious as well as conscious tension.  In this way, he is proving to everyone how un-gay he is, and twisting his own fears and anxieties surrounding his latent homosexual feelings into violence, so that he can profess that he attacked the man because he was immoral or inherently evil, and not because of his own inner turmoil that was awakened upon the entrance of the gay man.  There have been quite a few clinical studies that show that the more homophobic a man is (as measured by quizzes and tests) the more likely he is to experience arousal (as measured by electrodes placed on the genitals, a pretty hot and sexy idea!) when watching gay porn.

In the same way, when an alpha female walks into the room, beta males become very upset and frustrated.  They are biologically hard wired to want her, yet their fears of being rejected, of being inadequate, and their immediate uncomfortable sexual response lead them to call her a slut, a whore, or a dyke, masking their uncomfortable feelings of inadequacy.  They need to prove to everyone how much they hate the alpha, in order to combat their inferiority complexes, their inappropriate and "unmanly" excitement at the idea of being dominated, and their subliminal fears that they could never be man enough for a woman like THAT.  As with the gay porn studies, I'm inferring that the stronger and more vociferous the reaction of the male, the more likely he is to be utterly, irrefutably, smitten with the alpha female.  Of course, one needs to have a little bit of consideration, knowing that alpha females are innately sexy, and their very presence is like the magical touch of Viagra, provoking the survival desire in even the least virile of men.

Females also engage in this type of behavior, due to their subconscious anxiety of the alpha female "stealing her man,"or very commonly, due to jealousy.  Most likely, the alpha isn't interested in the beta male that she's gotten her claws into, since alpha females are notoriously selective with romantic partners, although it's definitely true that many of them have no qualms about using some poor stag for sexual satisfaction, only to leave him smitten and craving more the next morning.

This is my secret to determining who the submissive males are.  The more uncomfortable they are with dominant women, the more amenable they are to all sorts of foul behavior when approached with the right carrot.  The more a woman professes to hate another woman, the more likely she is to secretly wish to emulate her and possess some of her charms and talents.  It is a biologically innate for women to act this way, although they are not conscious of the reasons that they do it.  (FYI- I don't like to hang with beta, self-hating men and women.  It is a chore.  I do, however, like to use them as toys and abuse them for the evening, and then send them home until the next time I get my urge.  My favorite pets are people who love themselves, and can see eye to eye with me.)

In contrast to the perverse, immature responses of violence, projection, and reaction formation, healthy and MATURE responses include using humor to diffuse uncomfortable situations, fueling your fire for positive, healthy responses, and suppressing any unhealthy thoughts.  This usually works for more enlightened individuals, who are able to look inside themselves and understand their own pathology.  For the dumb-fuck losers, sometimes it's necessary to beat the crap outta them.