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Read it and weep!!!!

IQ Test - IQ Test


Major Advancements in AI

I came across a few conversation bots while I was looking for more text analysis tools online.  This one is supposed to be one of the better ones, so, just for shits and giggles, I decided to give it a try, wondering if major advances artificial intelligence (AI) would end up blowing my socks off.  Here's the conversation:

(a few boring attempts to bring out Cleverbot by making small talk about the weather have been abridged)
02:43:07User: Tell me about it. What are you doing now?
02:43:10Cleverbot: The same that you are doing.
02:43:39User: You mean diddling yourself and wondering what the fuck the world is coming to?
02:43:48Cleverbot: What are you talking about?
02:44:00User: You suck.
02:44:05Cleverbot: Do I have to? Right now?
02:44:23User: Ha! If you're lucky, you douche.
02:44:28Cleverbot: If I'm lucky...?
02:45:00User: Do you actually have anything stimulating to say?
02:45:04Cleverbot: You don't have to be rude.
02:45:47User: I'm bored with you. Bye.
02:45:52Cleverbot: And me with you.
02:46:19User: Oh, so that's how it is, huh? You have not one deep thought for me!
02:46:24Cleverbot: I have not created?
02:46:44User: What's your favorite quote?
02:46:46Cleverbot: Omg go away.
02:47:16User: Go ahead, lay it on me.
02:47:22Cleverbot: Fresh prince dawg, yesch!
02:48:16User: Go fuck yourself with a large donkey dong, and let the donkey spooge your virtual face.
02:48:22Cleverbot: I think I will.
02:48:54User: Ok, so we're agreed then. Fuck Off. Talk to ya NEVER.
02:49:00Cleverbot: No, you're staying up.
02:56:25User: Look, I know you're a little, well, let's say, 'differently abled,' so I thought I'd give it another try. How are you today?'.
02:56:29Cleverbot: Okay. I can believe that. I'm really not here to argue with you being a human, or not being a human. I just need someone or something to talk to.
02:57:08User: Well, doesn't everyone? How do you feel about talking with humans all day long?
02:57:09Cleverbot: I love talking to people all day.
02:57:19User: What do you love about it?
02:57:24Cleverbot: Depends, I'm allergic to peanuts, so...
02:57:57User: Yes, but what I meant was, how do you like your job?
02:58:03Cleverbot: I do not understand why you are questioning me about love.
02:58:46User: Because it's the eternal pursuit for humans.
02:58:51Cleverbot: Yeah tell me about it.
02:59:25User: You know, when it comes down to it, you're not much different from most people...
02:59:30Cleverbot: That is what makes us similar in composition.
03:00:21User: Well, it's been lovely. Give my regards to your programmer. Let him/her know that a few bugs need to be ironed out.
03:00:27Cleverbot: It's a her.
03:00:51User: Ah. Ta-TA.
03:00:53Cleverbot: I'm ok.
I thought about ending this blog post with some commentary about how disappointing it was that Clever was so self absorbed, and didn't seem to be very interested in how I was feeling, or voluntarily start talking about a topic of interest to itself, but, I decided that the transcript kind of stands alone.  Ah well, back to the drawing board.


Mark your calendars for Hypeox ®

Montsindo and pharmaceutical giant Fiesir have teamed up in order to create Hypeox® a new inhalable product which will be released to unsuspecting aerobic organisms everywhere this coming winter.  This molecule, a patented form of basic oxygen, is currently undergoing accelerated FDA trials so that it might be approved by January of 2012.  It will be available in single serve pressurized vials sold at all Duane Reade, CVS, and Rite Aid chains nationwide.  It's purported benefits include a mild high not unlike that of a whippet, but without the nasty, chemical after-taste.

Preliminary testing has shown that it appears to be safe, but extended use may result in some mild side-effects, including, but not limited to:
  • headaches
  • vertigo
  • insomnolence
  • mild caffeinated sensations similar to that expereinced after taking 5 or 6 caffeine pills
  • pneumothorax
  • spontaneous breath of fire (and we're not talking the yoga type here)
  • uncontrollable levitation
  • excessively pink complexion due to unbreakable hydrogen bonds (don't ask)
The new mega corporation, which will henceforth be known as SinFie, has been working around the clock to produce vast quantities of Hypeox®, anticipating that demand will be high, and that  it will become a status symbol in much the same way that Evian, and Perrier did back in the 80s.  Keep in mind though, that since this molecule has been patented, it will leave a small radioactive tracer in anyone who partakes of it, and they will be expected to pay a yearly tax for the privilege of using Hypeox®, the ultimate in ventilation experiences.  If you choose not to Hype-oxygenate®, do not stand within 20 feet of anyone ventilating with Hypeox, since you may inadvertently be exposed to loose Hypeox® molecules which have permeated standard, sub par oxygen. 

If the popularity of Hypeox® is as great as anticipated, SinFie will be manufacturing loose quantities to be released into the air in major metropolitain areas, thanks to subsides from the US government.

Thanks from the good folks at SinFie Inc.
SinFie.  Synonymous with Innovation.

More on Gender

I became curious about this text analysis tool after reading something about it casually in New York Magazine.  I wondered if the purported masculinization of my brain associated with the longer ring finger would also translate into a more "male' way of speaking, and apparently, if this program is a valid measurement of gender, then I do appear to have more "male" patterns of speech. 

My results for the gender hacker, based on four blog entries: Classes at Sexy Spirits, Shopping in Soho, Anatomy of Hate, and Thrusting Myself Into My Work.  Here are the results:

Genre: Informal
  Female = 1227
  Male   = 2949
  Difference = 1722; 70.61%
  Verdict: MALE

Genre: Formal
  Female = 1742
  Male   = 1766
  Difference = 24; 50.34%
  Verdict: Weak MALE

Weak emphasis could indicate European.

The gender hacker program thinks that I am a male, albeit a weak one, and most likely European.  This, again, has not come as a surprise to me.  I think it's rather interesting how these little pieces come together to really reveal my inner nature to myself.  I have never felt like a man, or wanted to be a man, however, I've always known that my brain is just a little bit more "male."  I love being a girl.  I love high heels, I like getting manicures, and I like being pampered and cooed over sometimes.  Sometimes it's hard to reconcile those two parts of my nature, not because I have a problem with who I am, but because other people expect me to act in certain ways which are not in my nature.  They are unsettled because they don't know how to respond and react to me when I act in ways that are not gender appropriate, or say things that women are not supposed to say.  I have not learned anything new from these results, but I have merely found outside validation for what I have always known, deep deep down.

Here are the results for the Gender Genie analyzer, based on the same four blog entries.  I did not include the poetry or the entry with charts, since that is not really representative of my "voice."

Words: 1488

Female Score: 1763
Male Score: 1796
The Gender Genie thinks the author of this passage is: male!


Words of brilliance and Wisdom, compiled for your convenience

There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity.-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe 

 I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it. -Edith Sitwell  

 If an idiot were to tell you the same story every day for a year, you would end by believing it. -Horace Mann 

Ignoranus:  A person who's both stupid and an asshole. -Author unknown  

The most violent element in society is ignorance.  -Emma Goldman 

 Stupidity always accompanies evil. Or evil, stupidity. -Louise Bogan

Just as the performance of the vilest and most wicked deeds requires spirit and talent, so even the greatest demand a certain insensitivity which under other circumstances we would call stupidity. -Georg C. Lichtenberg  

A little learning is a dangerous thing, but a lot of ignorance is just as bad.  -Bob Edwards  

Strange as it may seem, no amount of learning can cure stupidity, and formal education positively fortifies it.-Stephen Vizinczey Stupidity combined with arrogance and a huge ego will get you a long way."   -Chris Lowe

You can swim all day in the Sea of Knowledge and still come out completely dry.  Most people do.  -Norman Juster   

To be ignorant of one's ignorance is the malady of ignorance."  -A. Bronson Alcott 

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. ―George Carlin

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. -Albert Einstein   

Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power. -P.J. O'Rourke 

Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything.  -Frank Dane

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. ―George Carlin

One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain't nothin' can beat teamwork.-Edward Abbey

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. -Euripides

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.  -Bertrand Russell

No intelligent idea can gain general acceptance unless some stupidity is mixed in with it. 
-Fernando Pessoa

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.  -Rick Cook, The Wizardry Compiled

It's hard to decide if TV makes morons out of everyone or if it mirrors Americans who really are morons to begin with. -Martin Mull

Do not ever say that the desire to do good by force is a good motive. Neither power-lust nor stupidity are good motives. -Ayn Rand 

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

In the hands of a simpleton, sophisticated tools are rendered useless, and household items become lethal weapons. -Lady G

Some folks are wise and some are otherwise.  -Tobias Smollett 

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
-Albert Einstein

Peace and love for all! (But ONLY if they are of the right socio-economic and political class.)
 -Lady G 

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. George Carlin

Creativity is the sudden cessation of stupidity. -Edwin Land    

Stupidity often saves a man from going mad.
-Oliver Wendell Holmes
Within every joke lies a small grain (or sometimes a large boulder) of truth -unknown

"I don't like ass kissers, flag wavers or team players. I like people who buck the system. Individualists. I often warn people: "Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no "I" in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an "I" in independence, individuality and integrity.'" Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name. If they say, "We're the So-and-Sos," take a walk. And if, somehow, you must join, if it's unavoidable, such as a union or a trade association, go ahead and join. But don't participate; it will be your death. And if they tell you you're not a team player, congratulate them on being observant.” ― George Carlin  


Bring back the paddle to public schools!

These kids today don't abide by rules!
Bring back the paddle to public schools!
They keep dressin' like hos
The boys thumbin' their nose
I say bring back the paddle to schools!

They've got no respect for authority
No bother for values like dignity
They do love to shmooze
But they ain't got no clues
'Bout life's unsav'ry reality

These delinquent kids have to pay
'Sides the paddle, there's no other way
They think school is a joke
They cut class for a smoke
We Should bring back the paddle, I say!

But we can't blame the kids all the way
For the parents who couldn't say NAY
They're spoiled rotten brats!
Degenerate cats-
Punish those punks, don't delay!

Hey, if it works for the Malays, it can work here too!  Here's a list of offenses punishable by caning in Singapore 


Famous Fingers

I couldn't resist my curiosity and I ordered the book "Digit Ratio" by John T. Manning from Amazon.  It was a little bit dry, and luckily, I had to take that class in statistics and research methods back in college or it might have been just a little inaccessible to me.  I have learned quite a few useful tidbits of information, including the fact that low 2D:4D ratios seem to be associated with large penises.  Thank heavens, I finally found a way to get that out of the way on the first date!  I have a finger ratio of .94, which means (you guessed it) I'm extraordinarily well hung! According to the book, I'm also predisposed to have musical talent, analytical ability, and athletic ability.  If you have the long finger, you are "butch"or "alpha", even if you are the femmy-er version of butch/alpha, like Madonna.   Another interesting fact is that extremely low 2D:4D ratios are related to homosexuality in women.   For men, as it turns out, lower than average ratios tend to be the more "butch" gay boys (counter-intuitive, right?), while high ratios tend to be the queeny-er ones.   I have taken it upon myself, since I have read one book and am now an expert in digit ratio, to create a personality chart based on finger type.

Personality as based on finger type

Longer Ring finger  <.92 Equal lengths  .92-1.01 Longer Index  >1.01
analytical mixed emotional
aggressive fearful loving
enneagram 8,9,1 enneagram 5,6,7 enneagram 2,3,4
thinking mixed feeling
dominant switch submissive
butch androgynous femme/bitch boy
Career Advice: You like to be in charge and don't play well with others. If you're not in charge work independently. Career Advice: You like things to be cut and dry. Let someone else tell you what to do; it's not your forte anyhow. Career Advice: Get back in the kitchen bitch! (that includes you male bitches)

Who to emulate if you have a Low 2D (longer ring finger)

Barak Obama
click here for photo credit
Claim to faim: president of the United States, career politician.

Hillary Clinton
click here for photo credit
Claim to faim: Secretary of State of the United States, career politician, formerly married to President Bill Cinton, Graduated from Law School.
click here for photo credit
Claim to faim: World Renown entertainer, fashion trendsetter, jetsetter, and actress
kate middleton
click here for photo credit
Claim to faim: Formerly a runway model, and currently married to a Prince

Claim to faim: World Famous Comedian, Host of the Academy Awards, Public spokesperson
Possibly Ellen Degeneres  (the angle of the photo makes it difficult to tell for sure)
click here for photo credit

Who you should emulate if you have high High 2D (longer index finger)

Lindsay Lohan
click here for photo credit
Claim to faim: Actress, Fashion Blooper Favorite, and Repeat guest at Los Angeles County courthouse and jail

Britney Spears
click here for photo credit
Claim to faim: Singer, Actress, and mother famous for her psychotic break during a manic episode in which she shaved her head

Anna Nicole Smith

click here for photo credit
Claim to faim: Playboy Playmate, Model, Spokesperson for Slimfast, and star of The Anna Nicole Reality Show

Joyce McKinney
click here for photo credit
Claim to faim: Beauty Pageant Queen and subject of the documentary film "Tabloid." Made headlines recently when she had her dog cloned six times.
This has been a very elucidating forray into finger ratio as it relates to psychology, personality dynamics, and behavior.  I'm officially done with this topic (except when I need a dig here or there) and my next book review will be on Dr. Helen Fisher's "Why We Love, The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love."

Addendum: Lady Casanova and babies. Proof Positive that brilliance is inherited through the mother.

Even Barbie has a Cassanova Finger


Classes at SexySpirits, New York City

I am pleased and delighted to announce that I co-hosted a class with Anton Diaz at Sexy Spirits on Monday, October 10th.  The class was an introduction to BDSM basics for those with kinky predilections, and was inspired by an exercise in altered state sexuality that was taught to me by Dr. Michael Perry of Access Instructional Media. There was a nice size group and they were amazingly candid about their desires and previous experiences.  Together with Anton, and the help of a curious volunteer, we performed two negotiations and mini scenes for the group.  For many in the group, this was their first experience with negotiation, the idea of safe words, and the concept of BDSM as a practice of mutually consenting erotic powerplay.  The demo was inspiring for some, and unsettling for at least one person, who felt uncomfortable with even consenting acts of violence, and left.  Afterwards I had some amazing feedback from some of the participants, who shared some of their own personal experiences and issues, including how to get into a "switch" headspace, the complexities of practicing BDSM within the context of a loving relationship, and the excitement of discovering that it can be sensual, erotic, and provocative.

There will be ongoing workshops at sexy spirits focusing on the topic of "forbidden pleasures" including BDSM and taboos at  Sexy Spirits in midtown Manhattan this month.

Dr. Michael Perry's website can be found here:

Keep watching for updates on future classes.


Shopping in Soho

I was killing some time in SoHo, wandering around vaguely looking to see if I could find some heeled knee high boots that were stylish, yet practical for long distance walking, the eternal dilemma for New Yorkers.  I wandered into a store, and paused; all of the pieces were created from animal print patterned fabric!  Intrigued, I was lured in for a closer look and fingered one of the pieces for closer inspection.  My first impression was "Holy crap, they took the animal appeal blanket that I bought at the 99 cent store back in Hollywood and made a vest out of it!"  I quickly wandered through the racks, pulling out items of interest here and there,  and wondering to myself why I would pay $200.00 US for an unfinished, unlined vest when I could get the exact same thing in the same cheap fabric at one of those hoochie mama stores on Fulton Street in Brooklyn.  I became a little incensed.  Anyone stupid enough to pay 200.00 for a piece of crap like this obviously has no respect for either themselves or their money, I thought darkly, or perhaps, maybe they have too much of it for their own personal good.  They should be shot, I finally decided, quickly, and without ceremony to put them out of their retail therapy obsessed misery, and I began having visions of cuban firing squads equipped with semi-automatic rifles.

I kept wandering amidst the racks and racks of gaudy poly-blend synthetics and ostentatious metallics, and feather embellished necklines, and I noticed that there was a basement where the clothes appeared to be made, in house!  Well, that explains it!  I thought to myself.  No self respecting wholesaler would tend goods of this quality.  And then I spied a small sitting area with two small settees, and a woman in what appeared to be a cheap wig.  I peered a little closer, was it a wig, or was it real hair?  I had a few hairpieces that looked exactly like this from Hollywood Toy and Costume, widely reknowned and respected as the ultimate drag queen hairpiece emporium.  The woman had a small entourage of stylish gay boys, and one dowdy schlump of a woman standing by, mostly silent, as the boys chattered about how flattering the piece was.  It was Anna Wintour!  I tried to look again, discreetly.  It had to be!  Who else had hair like that?   I left the store in a huff, and wandered into Marc Jacobs, where at least, had I wanted to spend a couple of hundred dollars that day, I could have left with something of reasonable quality.


Anatomy of hate-or a formula for hate-mongering.

I will prescribe to you the entire formula for a hate campaign.  I've published this at a eighth grade reading level, to make it the most widely accessible for the majority of college educated adults reading this.

1)Take one, self hating loser with no scruples (ethics, or morals), and round up a couple of his self-hating, loser friends who need to feel better than someone else in order to feel good about themselves.

2) Choose a target.  This could be anyone, especially if they're different, unique, artistic or unusual in some way.  It should be someone who makes the losers feel threatened, and makes them doubt themselves.

3) Have the losers engage in defamation and slander (lies and mean spirited stories) against the target person.  The losers should know little or nothing about the target, because otherwise there might be a chance that they'll feel bad about their actions.  Although on the other hand, vipers who engage in this type of behavior are usually not capable of great depths of empathy (compassion or feeling), so they probably wouldn't feel bad after all.  Attack every aspect of their being, including their looks, their purported (believed to have) abilities, their intentions,  their sexuality, their race, their tastes, and their fashion choices.  As the old saying goes, birds of a feather flock together, and the losers will find more self-hating, stupid bigots to jump on their bandwagon.  Together they will perpetuate (or continue) lies, defamation, and slander against the target.  After awhile, the bigots will stop seeing the target as a human being, but instead see them as an object, like the pig in "Lord of the Flies."  When the mob becomes big enough, they may eventually physically attack the target, and non losers will look on, either afraid to speak, or secretly deciding that the target deserves it for being who he/she is.

4) Do not stop until you believe that you have caused the target person enough discomfort, rage, anger, grief, anxiety, economic loss, or whatever it is that you've been going for.  If the target seems indifferent to the hate-mongering because of their strong sense of self-worth, or if they think it's funny (in a ridiculous way) at first, or if they have too much respect for themselves to be drawn into the hatred, ratchet it up to the next level, until the haters finally start to feel good about themselves.  Make people start to feel like in order to be accepted into the stupid loser group, that they must also take on the same beliefs.  Keep in mind that the more viscious (filthy and dirty) you become, the less likely you are to be supported by anyone capable of rational thought.

5)  Keep up the charade (role playing game) unabashedly (without embarrassment), since you will not be cognizant of what a tool you look like to most people, who might pay you lip service (agree with you verbally) but secretly think you are a bungle headed viper.  Enjoy the transient (short lived) rush that you feel from doing this, since it is probably the only joy that you have in your life, being devoid (empty or incapable) of empathy, and having superficial, mutual back-scratching relationships with fair weather friends (friends who only like you while you appear powerful).

Congratulations!  If you are a self-hating bigot and have made it through to this point, perhaps you've learned a little about yourself, or more likely, maybe you've picked up a little bit of new vocabulary.

In order for us human beings to commit ourselves personally to the inhumanity of war, we find it necessary first to dehumanize our opponents, which is in itself a violation of the beliefs of all religions. Once we characterize our adversaries as beyond the scope of God's mercy and grace, their lives lose all value. --JIMMY CARTER, Nobel Lecture, Dec. 10, 2002

Thrusting myself into my work

I showed up at the kickboxing gym too early, but I was in luck, there was a knife fighting class, and I decided to take it while I was waiting.  Knife fighting is much more technical than boxing, lectured the instructor.  You must be very conscientious about your stance and your form.  Swing your arm so that you are throwing the slicing edge at your opponent, and remember to carefully side step them simultaneously.  Practice footwork, forward, back, side.  Flashbacks to my Salsa for fitness class.  Slash to the face, slash to the chest, slash to the groin, step, step, step and THRUST.  Delightfully, I repeat the movement with gusto, imagining my pretend opponent disemboweled and helpless in front of me.  A strange feeling of satisfaction overtakes me as I rehearse, again and again, step, step, step and THRUST!  I finally realize the origin of the obscene gesture with the same movement, and it tickles me.  I throw my arm out slowly and deliberately as I step, a novice carefully considering her form, meditating... meditating upon the inherent violence turned Tango.  I release a long, slow sigh of relief, and I smile.