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5.31.2012

What is funny, exactly?

I've spent a little time delving into the "science of funny." What makes something funny, and why is it different for different people? Why is it that seemingly un-funny things can be funny in certain situations? For example: A big fat man in an inflatable tube wearing Hawaiian shorts, goggles, and flippers. Not really that funny at the beach. But walking into the Metropolitain Opera House? Pretty funny!!! The simplistic pseudo-scientific analysis of what makes things funny seems to indicate psychological incongruity, in other words, things that just don't seem to fit our paradigm of reality. Drag queens/kings have historically been the subject of humor, even since Shakespearean times. Take a filthy, sweaty taxi driver and dress him in some high heels and a pencil skirt and send him into Bloomingdale's to buy a new purse, and it's high comedy. For the same reason, a beautiful, feminine woman who enters a club in in a slinky dress, but then walks to the bar, orders a whisky, and begins smoking a cigar while back slapping a couple of monkey suits at the bar is entertaining, not to mention threatening. It's just not supposed to happen that way. Two things just don't seem to fit together, and the brain perceives it as hilarious. I like to think of humor as a tickling session for the brain.

But good humor draws upon the dark, horrible, and macabre. This is the reason why "springtime for Hitler in Germany" from the musical The Producers is so horrifically funny, and from my own experience, it was much funnier for my 82 year old grandmother, who actually lived through WWII, than it was for myself. Certain types of humor may be generationally and culturally influenced. For instance, I see that there was much more of a predilection for slapstick and burlesque style humor in the early part of the century (Three Stooges, the Marx Brothers, Lucille Ball, Jerry Lewis), which later gave way to a more intellectual brand of humor (Woody Allen,) and later gave way to more of an appreciation for ironic humor and sarcasm (Jerry Sinefeld)  and that special brand of Gen Y, punk rock, flippant and irreverent humor.

I have a different theory about what makes things funny, and it's a little more complex than the simplistic version offered during a show about humor on NPR. What is funny to one person or another involves a complex interplay between cultural, biological traits and personal experience. Just as there seems to be a biological basis for certain types of phobias, there may indeed be a biological basis for certain types of humor, and it is most certainly culturally influenced. Humor is inherently mean spirited, since it more often than not preys upon deep seated insecurities and vulnerabilities.  Lucille Ball is constantly finding herself in terrible predicaments, and we delight in each episode in which she sunburns and is forced into tweed suits for fashion shows, and when she gets pelted with grapes at a winery in Italy and turns entirely purple we find this to be vraiment drole. Let's face it, most people like to think of themselves as loving and compassionate, but when it really comes down to it, they're natural sadistic fucks who delight at the chance to enjoy fun at someone else's expense. 

The best humorists have a talent for understanding psychology and manipulating others, and it is even possible to use what I like to call "reverse-reverse psychology," which is basically saying what you really mean, and making a joke out of it so people don't take it seriously, but meanwhile leaving them to wonder how much stake you really take in that joke (George Carlin.) Humor is necessarily a punk on your audience, in the same way that those sexy birthday cards with promises of naked babes inside only end up proffering an inapropos insult. Humor is often necessarily offensive, and this is why comedians often find themselves "sitting at the children's table" at official events (Fran Liebowitz) and you can be fired for making the right comment at the wrong time (Gilbert Gottfried.) Try as one might, it is impossible to be funny and be entirely PC, because the fact of the matter is, someone's shortcomings are always a joke to someone, whether it be dumb blondes, cheap Jews, or low class rednecks. Hated groups are often the butts of the jokes, whether they have been blacks in the segregated south, Jews in Hitler's Germany, or the hard-ass right in libero-nazi territory. True, humor draws from our most unsavory and barbaric emotions, mainly hate, violent impulses, and rank sexuality, but even in spite of the fact that most people like to think of themselves as socially responsible humanists, no one wants PC humor.  It's like watching the censored version of the South Park dirty sex tape episode and wondering why it wasn't as funny as the first time you saw it.  One of the moms at my kids preschool mentioned to me that cookie monster no longer eats cookies on Sesame Street.  'Tis a sad, sad day when the morality police can prevent the enjoyment of a simple pleasure on a once wacky and playful children's television program.


Humorists always sit at the children's table -Woody Allen

NPR story on humor
Huffington Post- Brainy Comedians
http://lifequoteslib.com








Ha!!!You laughed you sick perv!!! 
(You know it's funny)

5.20.2012

New photos from Anthelian Shoot


Photographer Anthelian did a community photo shoot at the Iron Bell Academy. Here are some of the Images from the shoot.

Words of Genius, Compiled for the Consumption of the Masses


Towering genius disdains a beaten path. It seeks regions hitherto unexplored. -Abraham Lincoln

Ridicule is the tribute paid to the genius by the mediocrities. -Oscar Wilde 
When nature has work to be done, she creates a genius to do it. -Ralph Waldo Emerson 


Great intellects are skeptical. -Friedrich Nietzche 

Genius must be born, and never can be taught.

-John Dryden

When a true genius appears in this world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him.  -Jonathan Swift

Talent works, genius creates.  -Robert A Schumann



The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius.  -Oscar Wilde

Genius always finds itself a century too early.  
 -Ralph Waldo Emerson


The Artist is he who detects and applies the law from observation of the works of Genius, whether of man or Nature. The Artisan is he who merely applies the rules which others have detected. -Henry David Thoreau 

The true genius shudders at incompleteness - and usually prefers silence to saying something which is not everything it should be.  -Edgar Allan Poe

Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active.  -Leonardo da Vinci 

Genius goes around the world in its youth incessantly apologizing for having large feet. What wonder that later in life it should be inclined to raise those feet too swiftly to fools and bores.   -F. Scott Fitzgerald 

Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see.   -Arthur Schopenhauer

Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself, but talent instantly recognizes genius.   -Arthur Conan Doyle

In the republic of mediocrity, genius is dangerous.   -Robert Green Ingersoll 

Great Spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.  -Albert Einstein

He who seldom speaks, but with one calm well timed word can strike dumb the loquacious, is a genius or a hero.  -Johann Kaspar Lavater

Talent may in time be forgiven, but genius, never.  
-Lord Byron

Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - either by themselves or by others.  -Mark Twain

Man as an individual is a genius. But men in the mass form the headless monster, a great, brutish idiot that goes where prodded.   -Charlie Chaplin

The amount of eccentricity in a society has generally been proportional to the amount of genius, mental vigor, and moral courage it contained. That so few now dare to be eccentric marks the chief danger of the time.  
 -John Stuart Mill 

There is a sacred horror about everything grand. It is easy to admire mediocrity and hills; but whatever is too lofty, a genius as well as a mountain, an assembly as well as a masterpiece, seen too near, is appalling.   -Victor Hugo 


Geniuses and supergeniuses always make their own rules about sex as on everything else; they do not accept the monkey customs of their lessers.
-Robert A. Heinlein
Genius might be the ability to say a profound thing in a simple way. -Charles Bukowski 


Mediocrity can talk; but it is for genius to observe.
-Benjamin Disraeli


http://brainyquote.com 
http://goodreads.com
http://miquotes.com
http://notable-quotes.com
http://thinkexist.com 
http://thequotegarden.com
http://quoteland.com 
http://wisdomquotes.com

Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do -Apple Commercial
Related Posts

5.10.2012

Musings on Jealousy


Aside from my innate alpha-ness compared to other females, there is probably one more reason that some of my closest friends in my lifetime have been men, and that is jealousy and backbiting on the part of other girls. Even if things start out okay, other women are bound to be intimidated by me eventually, for myriad reasons, including my intellectual superiority, my incredible physique which I maintain without dieting (fast metabolism), and my refusal to play the game. In fact, many men are intimidated by my presence and talents, firstly, because they want to cling to their deep seated and false beliefs of male superiority, and secondly, because I fuck their girlfriends better than they do.

I've been told that I have an aura of un-approachability; perhaps that is true, and my aloof demeanor comes across as arrogance. I've found that most of the time, since other women are basically pre-ordained to be threatened by me, that attempting to be nice isn't really worth the effort. When backbiting occurs, the vicious words, efforts to counter-intmidate me and bully me, are simply transparent attempts to deal with their own subconscious jealousy.  My apparent lack of concern elicits yet stronger fervor of passion. When I enter a room, all attention is directed towards me. I hear nervous twittering. What would normally be a friendly exchange at my kickboxing gym, poker tournaments, or a scrabble club, becomes a chance for one-up-man-ship. A normal mistake, such as dropping your keys or forgetting an appointment becomes the rare moment for a jab or a dig.

I don't feel the need to turn on the charm, although I'm extremely skilled at it when I choose to be. I've decided that I enjoy letting them marinate in their own insecurities and jealousies, and that the negative attention is yet further proof of my exceptionalness. I do not need to conform to mediocrity, nor will I kowtow to the mediocre in order to alleviate their sense of inferiority and make them feel comfortable. I can allow others to kiss my ass, and it's the most delightful feeling in the world.

Jealousy is the tribute mediocrity pays to genius.
Fulton J. Sheen

If you are great, be proud.  If you are not great, learn humility.
-anonymous

In China they say, 'The thinner the chopsticks, the higher the social status.' Of course, I got the thinnest I could find.....that's why people hate me.  -Martha Stewart

Psychiatry doesn't help when the problem is society
-Lady G 

http://www.afterquotes.com





Democratic Parenting

I decided that I was willing to try a new approach, bending my usual authoritative ways and try "enlightened parenting." After all, children are just small versions of adults, with their own ideas and tastes, so I decided that we would decide things based on votes--majority rule.  For breakfast, I decided I wanted to feed my kids oatmeal, but the children outvoted me, two to one, to have rainbow fluff corn. Begrudgingly, I relented, remembering that I had decided to abide by democratic principles, and although I secretly grumbled about the insulin spike they were subjecting their bodies to so early in the morning, I decided to let it go and get them dressed. Given that it was raining, I decided to dress my daughter in a long sleeved cotton dress with leggings and rainboots, but the children outvoted me, two to one, to wear swimming trunks and sandals, and their favorite pj tops.  I packed them lunches of apples, salted nuts, and cheese sanwiches, but once again, it was a shut out when the children voted for pancakes with syrup, snickers bars, and fruit jellies.

When I picked them up from school, I decided that most likely, the children should have gotten in touch with their issues of control, and perhaps felt a little more comfortable, maybe even enough to try a healthy dinner.  However, the children overruled my suggestion for lemon marinated fish and vegetable pilaf, and instead demanded potato chips, pretzels, and ice cream.  By this time I decided to boycott my obligation as household chef, given that my professional expertise, training, and authority as a parent was being constantly overridden.  The children responded by monopolizing the television, and voting to stay up late to play Little Big Planet and pass that pesky ice bunker level.  They were too tired to go to school the next day, and slept in until noon, and I had to cancel my meeting with my client.  A bit frustrating, true, but it's all for a good cause...my children will be the most empowered of any of their friends, and never have to struggle through early adulthood issues with control.  I've also discovered that I'll never have to cook another hot meal.  Bravo for enlightened parenting!


Related Posts

5.02.2012

What is a "real" Dominatrix?


After moving to New York City and working briefly in various houses of kink, I was horrified to discover how little training most of the "dommes" had. I had come from a place where all girls had to move through the ranks before becoming a dominant, in the process, learning various skills, including safety techniques, and BDSM etiquette. Most of the girls who were working were lifestyle, at least to some extent, and their work was their passion and their art. In contrast, in NYC I discovered fly by night, glorified strippers who had no concept of what was entailed in power play, and girls who had been working for two days who decided to engage in play piercing, and even *shudder* medical injections. I think there is a lot of confusion over what a "real" Dominatrix is, so I decided to put forth a few criteria, which will enable others to discern what a "real" Dominatrix is.

1.) Real Dommes are lifestyle. This means that they attend play parties, and usually have at least one slave/bottom of their own, that they play with regularly.

2.) Real Dommes attend training sessions, and are usually members of at least one BDSM organization, such as The Eulenspiegel Society(TES), Lesbian Sex Mafia (LSM), Masters and slaves Together (MAsT), or Domme/Sub Friends here in NYC, or Threshold or Lair De Sade in Los Angeles.

3.) Real Dommes understand what a psychological/emotional powerplay is, as well as how to make one, and are deeply in touch with their dominant and aggressive energy. Simply putting on a latex catsuit and Louis Vuitton boots does not entitle you to call yourself a Real Domme, although you may qualify as a "fashion top."

4.) Real Dommes are proficient with the use of all sorts of equipment, and will be familiar with most types of devices and tools used in sessions. This means that they can use them skillfully, hit their target with 95% accuracy (nobody's perfect) and do not cause permanent markings unless specifically intended, such as in branding.

5.) Lastly, if the Lady in question has taken the time to develop advanced skills, such as how to do piercing safely (using sterile needle technique), other types of medical play using sterile methods, how to use a singletail, or how to do suspension bondage (safely, using the appropriate knots and precautions), and if she happens to have some sort of medical background, this qualifies her as a Top Domme.

Of course, I am not so naive as to discount the fact that certainly, chemistry matters. Just as I would never want to take on a lifestyle sub unless I had chemistry with them, even if it was simply personality chemistry, I think that certainly, there must be a sexual charge of some sort between Domme and sub. I simply wonder if some of these poor schlubs know how they're taking their lives in their hands allowing some of these dumb bitches to perform surgical techniques on them. Then again, perhaps that's part of the appeal...

Related Posts

4.22.2012

More Self Discovery: Enneagram Typing

I've always been kind of skeptical of the enneagram, since I've always gotten different results (even with the same tests) depending upon my mood when I take them.  It's definitely does not have the  applications of the Meyer's Briggs, which was developed specifically for clinical use.  Still, I find myself vaguely interested in it, and decided to take several different tests to get the most well rounded picture of myself possible.  It seems to appear that I am most likely some combination of 8 and 7.


Similar Minds Enneagram Test
Your main type is Type 7
Your variant is self pres


Your main type is which ever behavior you utilize most and/or prefer. Your variant reflects your scoring profile on all nine types: so = social variant (compliant, friendly), sx = sexual variant (assertive, intense), sp = self preservation variant (withdrawn, security seeking).




Enneagram Test with Instinctual Variants 
You are most likely a type 8 (the Challenger) with 7 wing  (Sexual variant)

Type 8 SX
Type 3 SX
Type 1 SX
Type 5 SX
Type 4 SX
Type 7 SO
Type 9 SX
Type 6 SX


RHETI Enneagram Type Indicator Resuts:  Your highest score will indicate you basic type, or it will be among the top 2-3 scores. You have answered all the questions -- terrific!

Type 1 Type 2 Type 3 Type 4 Type 5 Type 6 Type 7 Type 8 Type 9
6 4 4 3 3 2 5 5 4



This was the last one I took, which involved choosing pictures or icons that were most pleasing to you.  This seems to be the one test which is entirely divergent from most of the others, and probably the least acurate.  Yeah... I'm not really seeing the 3, honestly.  

Enneagram Explorations Test

Enneagram Type 3
Performer, Motivator, Achiever, Producer or Status Seeker
You want to be competent, efficient, accomplished and dynamic. Most importantly, you want to be good at what you do and to look good doing it. You may have problems with vanity. Under stress you may be self-promoting, self-deceptive and competitive. At your best, you are self-confident, motivated and productive.
http://www.enneagram.net/tests/sampler

It's interesting that one of my psychotherapists seems to have believed I was the ultimate 7, but I think I am more of an 8, since I've never had some of the addictions that 7s tend to be absorbed with, like drinking and drugs, and although I've jokingly refered to myself as a "sex addict," I'm not truly a sex addict either.  Also, I would describe myself as more of a "realist" than an "optimist." I do however, have a wide variety of interests and enjoy sensual pleasures, such as food, massages, and of course, BDSM.  I'm pleasure seeking, but in a pretty controlled, responsible sort of way, rather than an abandoned manner.  In addition, it often helps to determine how you respond in stress and in comfort, as an 8 will often act out the unhealthy aspects of a 5 in stress, and go to 2 in security, while a seven will go to 1 in stress, and 5 in security.  

The trouble with self reports is that people often have an unconscious need to see themselves differently than they truly are, for a variety of reasons.  Here, I could go off on a tangent about questions of test validity and design, and the importance of using a well designed test as opposed to the disastrous consequences of relying upon poorly designed tests for important information. This is probably why most official and clinical tests are subject to constant statistical analysis, reviews, and modification. The only effective way of examining a person's personality is by looking at the history of their actions.  As the old saying goes, actions speak louder than words.  Of course, I don't hold much stock in the enneagram anyway.

Related Links:

http://www.9types.com
Enneagram 8 humor
Enneagram 7 humor



4.19.2012

Perverse obsessions with celebrity

The definition of fame:  When, upon walking into a room, you do not know anyone there, but everyone sure seems to know you.  In fact, they profess to know all about you, including some of the most private details of your life.  All eyes are on you, and people are keeping tabs on what brand of handbag you are carrying.

It's matter of existence that we have all had Andy Warhol's proverbial 15 minutes thrust upon us.  Facebook, google profiles, and youtube now allow unsuspecting subjects to be viewed by hundreds of thousands (and sometimes millions) of strangers.   Celebrity by intent, actresses, newscasters, sports stars, are common in our media centric society.  However, there is that rare individual who just seems to be the subject of public obesession.  Even as much as they try to avoid the limelight most of the time, there is just something about them that is so alluring, mysterious, captivating, or outrageous, that they simply draw attention wherever they go.  The power of presence, they way one carries themself when they walk into a room... there's something different about them.  Something that inspires curiosity, fear, hatred, and intense emotion.

Why the obsession with public figures?  People identify with celebrities so much, that this obsession and adoration often turns into it's opposite, loathing and revulsion, in a classic form of reaction formation. Is it a form of escapism? A longing to escape from the boring mundanity of the average lifestyle while delighting in other's triumphs and reveling in their pains to vicariously fill the vacuum of excitement of the average existence?  Or ist it really a sublimated form of jealousy? Those who are famous (or notorious, as the case may be) often live a sort of fantasy life; they do things that other people only dream of doing. A whole industry surrounds this perverse fixation on other people's lives, including a cable tv network, and a multi-billion dollar tabloid and publication market force.  A celebrity merely needs to brand a product with their name in order for it to become popular, even if they had only a very minimal hand in the product's creation.  You may now own a piece of Britney Spears in the form of a cologne, or Tori Spelling jewelry. The public obsession with famous people has become so extreme, that people often spend more time and effort keeping tabs on their famous celebs twitters about their latest bodily function than they do for their own family members.

Public Figures are often the target of intense passions, usually because they are symbols of the ideas, entities or ideals that they represent and work for.  The attackers almost never know them personally.

Steve Ballmer egg attack


The real losers in life are are not the subject of hatred, but are often nameless, faceless, and carry on their daily activities unnoticed.



It is interesting that although I have achieved a sort of level of fame by own activities, that I always found it ridiculous that some people would seek fame in and of itself, without the power, money, and political* attaché. My apartment building in Hollywood was filled with musicians, artists, and starving actresses lusting after fame, while I achieved mine incidentally, as a matter of course in doing my work.  I began to find however, that although I had never intended to achieve fame, that I rather enjoyed not being ordinary.  I had always dreamed of excitement in my youth, and I had achieved it accidentally, or perhaps by fulfilling personal dharma by following my own drives to fulfill my destiny. I laugh to myself at the ridiculous simplicity of my act of illusion: In my jeans and scruffy jacket, I'm seemingly nobody--a loser, but in my satin corset and black stilettos I am a Goddess.

Although I have not achieved the fame of an A-list celebrity, I have enough notoriety that I have an entire group of fans contacting me through facebook, and quite a passel of haters.  I have decided to publish the worst and most disgusting of the offenders on a separate page.  Click here to see their photographs. 

*(not as in republican vs democrats, but more of a social type of politics, for those of the literary unsophisticated type among you.)

4.06.2012

New Ban on Female Athletes With Naturally High Androgen Levels

The International Olympic Commission, and the International Association of Athletics Federation have established new guidelines that women with "naturally occuring" high androgen levels, such as South Africa's Castor Semenya, will be banned from competing as women in Sporting Events, according to an article in Nature.  After all, this natural, inborn, God given ability would put them at an unfair advantage to the 'average' woman who would like to compete as a superstar, elite athlete.  Society isn't interested in the exceptional, rare individual with inborn talents; what they really want to see is hot bitches with chemically treated hair and big fake tits competing in athletic events.  (That's what I want to see, after all, because it feeds into my girl-on-girl misogynistic impulses.)  I think it's about time that society stood up for the average, and in fact, the under average achievers, who represent the vast majority of our population.

Additionally, I believe that geniuses and exceptionally smart kids should be barred from colleges as well, because they have an unfair advantage over other, slightly less gifted children.  Those gifted kids need to be kept in their place, or they'll become arrogant and self righteous after years of putting up with crap from the mediocres.  I'm ready to go out on a limb here, and say that we've now had a black president, a female secretary of state, and gay congressmen, but we have not yet had a retarded president.  We will not truly be a democracy until ALL sectors of our population are given their rightful due, and be allowed to represent a demographic that does, after all, comprise approximately 1/3 of the adult population.**  Elitism has run rampant in our society, from the best of the best in sports, to academics, to politics.  We need to represent the underachievers.  As a matter of fact, since the average person has a BMI exceeding 27, we should ammend the regulations to exclude any person with a BMI less than 25, since they would have an unfair advantage over others.  Some may say that this might qualify as a sort of reverse discrimination against the athletically talented or intellectually gifted, but in any case, they should be forced to compete in a separate category for abnormals, since by definition, they are in the top echelons based on their performance and scientifically qualify as freaks.

So, if you believe strongly in progressive ideals, democracy, and representation of the populace, write to your congressperson today and let them know that you want to see more retards represented in the federal government, and more gimpy, average, fat-asses represented in college and professional sports, so that more people can feel good about themselves.  Power to the People!


Related Posts:

**Persons with an IQ of less than 70 qualify for Social Security Disability.  It is interesting to note however, that studies done in the US Military classifies recruits with IQs less than 92 (category IV) as especially difficult to train and a danger to themselves and others.
The US military has spent large sums of money on psychometric research for decades and has found that IQ correlates heavily with ability to carry out military duties and not get oneself and fellow soldiers killed. So the US military is very keen on keeping out the dummies. The military correctly sees that maintaining military standards is a matter of life and death. (Parapundit)


Women With High Male Hormone Levels Face Sports Ban
http://www.nature.com/news/2011/110414/full/news.2011.237.html

The Average BMI in the USA
http://www.livestrong.com/article/154837-the-average-bmi-in-the-usa/

Social Security Disability Secrets
http://www.disabilitysecrets.com/page11-10.html

US Army Recruiting Standards/Psychometrics
http://www.parapundit.com/archives/003026.html

3.19.2012

German Castration Legislation

According to BBC news, the council of Europe has urged Germany to end the practice of allowing voluntary surgical castration for sex offenders.  Human rights activists call the practice inhumane and unnecessarily degrading, and others worry that it might spark a body mod trend like that of prison tattoos and baggy pants among gang bangers in South Los Angeles.  In an independently conducted poll, it was found that German citizens agreed that a castration body mod craze would be a very, very bad thing for German birth rates. They point out that aside from impaired sex drive, other undesirable side effects might include development of countertenor vocal characteristics, in music circles, known as male falsetto, but on the street, known as “queeny fag voice.”
German conservatives cite biblical passages such as  Matthew 5:30, which states:
And if thine right hand causeth thee to stumble, cut it off and casteth it away.  ‘Tis better to loose one of thine members, than for thine whole body to burn in the fires of hell.
Later translations also add:
And if thine tongue causeth thee to stray from thine low carb diet, slice it from thine mouth and casteth it away.  ‘Tis better to remain mute for a lifetime than to indulge in the seventh deadly sin of gluttony.
And if thine eyes causeth thee to watch porn at work, gouge them from thy head and sendeth them to an organ donation center.  ‘Tis better to go blind than to derive perverse pleasure from the carnal delights of Clubonline while at work.
Some informal interviews with German school girls resulted in the following concensus regarding the issue: “Chop it off!”  

Although it is true that those who opt for voluntary castration typically have a very low recidivism rate, liberal Germans argue that that it is highly unlikely that optional castration can ever be “truly free and informed.(BBC, Feb 2012)”




Germany Urged to End Sex Offender Castration. [BBC News] Retrieved from :

Simulated birth for men

This is a cross posting from a kinky discussion group.  A woman mentioned that her boyfriend was interested in developing an insight into the birthing experience.  This was my sarcastic response:

If you want a truly genuine experience, insert an grapefruit in his rectum for a few days, and give him drugs so that he'll retain water. When his ankles are swollen to three or four times their normal size, feed him some castor oil, which will cause violent spasms in his intestinal tract. After he's moaning and rolling around gripping his belly for three or four hours, stick a gloved hand in his ass to see if he's dilating properly. You may then take him in a taxi ride and let him moan and groan in the car until you reach the hospital, where you will strip him naked and put him in a hospital gown, hook him up to an IV, and bring various hospital staff in the room to check on his progress.

The pain will be so intense that he will not know whether he wants to sit up, lie down, or cycle through both positions periodically. Let him know that it's a little too late for a spinal block, and that he'll have to pass the grapefruit naturally, but that you'll bring in a doula to massage his sensitive nether tissues so that they don't tear. Tell him not to worry; the human body was designed by evolution to stretch and to handle stresses like this.  Bring his mom and dad in with the video camera so that they can commemorate the moment for posterity. After he's blue and pink in the face, his eyes are bloodshot from pushing, and he's pooped on the table a few times in front of the hospital staff, a few hours later, he will have passed the grapefruit, and everyone will oooh and ahh over the poop stained grapefruit while it is being cleaned up, and take photos. Put him in a wheelchair and send him up to the hospital bed, where a specialist will probe and squeeze his pectorals to see if he is producing collostrum, while you text all your friends about the arrival of your amazing new grapefruit.

This experience would only mildly approximate the experience of both pregnancy and birth, a situation that modern women experience voluntarily, and which they sometimes submit themselves to multiple times.  This is why it is highly disrespectful for a man to say "we" are pregnant.  A man can only just begin to understand the predicament of pregnancy and birth.

3.08.2012

Alpha Facial Characteristics

I ran across this when I was looking for more physical differences between males and females, and looking for more clues to explain my own androgyny. As it turns out, just as there are differences in digit ratios between those on high on testosterone scales and those high on estrogen scales, there are also differences in facial structure. Women have soft, rounder features, round cheeks, fuller lips, and arched brows. Men have more chiseled or angular features, a more prominent brow ridge, a square angled jaw (meaning the part near the ear, not the chin), and a broader bridge of the nose. The following graphic, from the site http//www.femininebeauty.info is very illustrative of they types sex differences (please be aware that this site contains nude female images that illustrate weight hip ratio differences.) As it turns out, I have a highly androgynous face, with a sqaure jaw, prominent brow ridge, high "eastern european" cheekbones, and more elongated eyes, along with flatter eyebrows, and a thinner upper lip. I find it very interesting that the results of the gender test, my digit ratio, and my facial characteristics seem to tell a consistent story, that I am highly androgynous. I do not describe myself as "butch" although I often feel like I am more "butch" than many butches. I have numerous feminine features, including a very feminine hips and breasts, and I have never really wanted to be a man; I love being a woman too much.  I prefer the term "alpha female" to describe myself, since it recognizes my femme predilections.




Famous "alpha" faces



Condeleeze Rice




Very Femme Faces



Reese Witherspoon


Jennifer Lopez
NOTE: I had previously placed Lady Gaga here, but after some time examining many photos, I finally decided that she had more of an androgynous face, although not so much as the women pictured in the top section.



It is interesting to note that studies have shown that people make subconscious decisions about other people's character based on facial characteristics.  Those with more masculine faces are subconsiously seen as more aggressive and less trustworthy, while those with feminine faces are seen as more likeable, more social, and more trustworthy.  There are people who may poo-poo my gut based opinion, but the truth of it is, that deep in the reptilian brain, beta females (and some males) recognize alphas and are subconsciously threatened, or are subconsciously gripped with sexual longing and the desire to throw themselves at the alpha woman's feet.  Unfortunately, many character judgements based upon these sorts of subconscious judgements are highly inaccurate.


Lady G's face

Feminine Beauty http://www.femininebeauty.info/feminine-vs-masculine info retrieved on March 8, 2012

Masculine Features Seen as Threatening http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2006-12-25-masculine-features_x.htm info retrieved on March 8, 2012

2.28.2012

Lady G's favorite thing of the month: the look on people's faces when they find out they're not that great.

Here they are, the mouth watering, delightful expressions of bimbos, trolls, goofballs, and dumbfucks who find out that they're not that great after all.


This bimbo finally figured out that she's marginally functional

Here's a goofball who thought that she was smart because she went to college
(for a short time)

Finally, just an all around dumbfuck loser



*sigh* The world is full of them.


2.22.2012

Inapropos Modesty

I've always known that I was highly intelligent, although it was only recently (the past six years or so) that I came to a full understanding of exactly how smart I really was.  Life is challenging as a gifted child.  You learn very quickly that teachers become frustrated with students who are too quick to answer every time; after all, you don't want to make the dumb kids feel bad about themselves.  Then of course, there is the innate sense of insecurity of most children, who express their feelings of inferiority as aggression, a Freudian defense mechanism that keeps them from feeling pain surrounding their sense of ineptitude.  I learned to keep quiet most of the time, when I was sent to the next grade level for reading every day to work independently.  Thankfully, I was lucky enough to have some very intelligent friends, and since then, have always managed to connect with an increasingly rare breed: highly intelligent, sensitive people.  At the tender age of 21, I found myself involved with a kinky pervert 15 years older than myself, an entertainment exec with Universal Studios and then with Warner Bros.  Interestingly enough, age was never quite an issue between us, since I was extremely mature and independent for my age.  In my 20s, I found myself involved with older people simply because most of the people my age were so shallow, immature, and dependent upon others that it became a chore to be around them.  As a matter of fact, I am more content to be alone than to endure 20 minutes of mindless conversation surrounding mundane topics with an idiot.  I later went on to date a financial sales rep, an insensitive playboy with lots of expensive toys and an appetite for travel, another music industry professional, and later, a film producer turned real estate investor.  As the old saying goes, birds of a feather flock together, for reasons that they themselves generally do not analyze, but understand intuitively.  By the time I was 30, I had traveled the world, been engaged twice, finished an advanced college degree, held professional licenses in two states, and had two bright, alert, feisty babies.  It is, unfortunately, highly difficult to find people who are within the same echelon as myself both intellectually, physically, and emotionally.  I have been burdened with wisdom at a young age and cursed with a milleu of idiots incapable of abstract thinking or deep conversation.  I had always believed that modesty was a virtue, and that unabashed braggarts were classless and debased.  However, what I learned is that modesty in our modern society often goes unrecognized, since the majority of people have come to equate insincere, mostly mediocre braggarts with greatness.  These are those who believe that having "social skills" means accosting every person in the room with brash, tasteless commentary and unwelcome plugs for their new business.  Yes, I have been guilty of false, insincere modesty and was upholding the practice of a social nicety which is a relic of former times.  Endowed with a wide variety of talents and skills which just seem to come naturally, I have discovered that, for most individuals, greatness cannot be coached, networked, or implanted via mommy and daddy's money spent on an ivy league education.  It simply emanates from within.



It's hard to be humble, when you're as great as I am. - Muhammad Ali

Early in life I had to choose between honest arrogance and hypocritical humility. I chose the former and have seen no reason to change. -Frank Lloyd Wright

Modesty: the gentle art of enhancing your charm by pretending not to be aware of it. -Oliver Herford

Great men are rare, poets are rarer, but the great man who is a poet, transfiguring his greatness, is the rarest of all events.-John Drinkwater

If you only believe that you're an artist when you have a big advance in your pocket and a single coming out, I would say that's quite soulless. You have to have a sense of your own greatness and your own ability from a very deep place inside you. I am the one with the litmus test in my hands of what people need to hear next. - Lady Gaga

To vilify a great man is the readiest way in which a little man can himself attain greatness. -Edgar Allan Poe


Read more: http://www.brainyquote.com

2.17.2012

Role playing

Humanity is one of the few species on earth which desires to play pretend. We are not content simply to eat, fornicate, and avoid predators. We need that psychological rush of play, and relish giving in to our sense of whimsy. Even aside from acting and *ahem* kinky role playing, we play many roles in our day to day life. Parents play it one way at home, another way at work, and still another way when with friends. We usually don't go up to our boss and slap them on the ass and say "hey, how 'bout them Giants?," or volunteer information about our steamy romantic hook up the night before. Our modern society is saturated with fantasy images, from photo-shopped underwear ads, to commercials filmed with fake food, to TV sitcoms with actors who play the street tough guy, or doctor, or lawyer, and who subsequently become identified to the public with the roles that they play. In a sense, these actors are conforming, not to the reality of what a doctor, lawyer, or street tough guy actually is, but to what the audience's (and director/producer's) expectations of what they should be. For many people, who spend almost as much time watching tv as they do spending time with friends (sad, but true) these images often become the reality. There is now a sort of backwards influence, in the sense that initially, reality inspired film. Now, film inspires reality. Everyday people are now burdened with the chore of living up to the inattainable fantasy of airbrushed skin and perfect teeth, and conform to expectations of what an X should be, according to the models presented by the latest movie or spread in Maxim. Over time, Actors become so identified with their roles, that people on the streets call out to them by their character's names (the Nurse Betty effect.) It becomes tempting for actors to fall into the trap of "becoming the mask," and actually take on aspects of their character's personality either because it is expected, or because people prefer the fantasy of their character to the reality of who the actor really is.  The phenomenon of societal projections of expectation onto others even spawned a TV series called To Tell the Truth, in which a real person was flanked by two actors pretending to be them, and contestants had to guess who the real guest was.

As a former adult film star, and someone who role played for a living for a long time as a dominatrix, I am very familiar with these effects. While I always felt that each role that I played was a facet of myself, and drew from real emotion for authenticity, the reality is that these roles were merely fragmentary and highly fetishized. I channelled my inner Marylin, my inner Cruella Deville, my innter Queen bitch and my inner cheap floozy to the point where people who knew me casually bought into the lie, and treated me accordingly. This became a game of manipulation, so that I discovered with smugness how much my Marylin, freshly done with professional make-up, could get away with, and how much my Cruella struck fear, loathing, and yet sexual ecstacy into the hearts of my willing victims. I marvelled upon the dramatic differences in the ways in which I was treated depending upon my costume and my role. I was a bimbo, a heroin addict, a plain Jane, a goth goddess, and a teenage nymphomaniac for fun (and don't forget money!) but who was I really, once the cameras were off, the lights were put away and the dungeon carpets were being vacuumed? Did I play the charade with people who knew me casually for personal gain? Did it get to the point where I had Marvel superhero syndrome, in which I really was two distinct personalities in one person? And does it have to go the way of the Stanford Prison Experiments to know that obsession with a fantasy figure has gone too far? The burgeoning film industry of the last century brought with it a new age phenomenon -- the cult of the personality. The dawn of the 21st century birthed a climate into which every Tom Dick and Harry (or in the case of xxx cinema, Hairy Tom's Dick) has their 15 minutes, and some people are famous inadvertently, without wanting to be (a horrible fate to wish upon anyone.) What implications does this cult phenomenon have for what it means to be a person, a unique individual, in this harshly lit, unscripted world?


I'm not a doctor, but I play one on tv...




2.15.2012

The gig is up, pig


Eh Basta, Capacole!

Disclaimer: Please do not construe this as a statement on vegetarianism; I just liked the photo. Now that that's done, let's eat meat!!!!



No Child Left Behind: Athletics

After the astounding success of no child left behind over the last decade, I propose that we should extend the policy to athletics. We should not make expect that run of the mill disorders like chronic back pain, juvenille arthritis, recurrent bursitis, or asthma should prevent children from achieving very moderate levels of athletic achievement, such as completing a four minute mile, doing ten pull ups in under a minute, and completing 100 sit ups.  Children will rise to the occasion if we simply let them know, gently and compassionately, that we expect more of them.     Of course, critics are concerned that this may mean that teachers in some areas which have unusually high rates of cerebral palsy or muscular dystrophy to be penalized.  It is unreasonable, they say, to expect someone who can barely walk anyway to over exert themselves, making them frustrated in the process.   They claim that we are just teaching the children to "fake it" for PE testing, which is highly subjective and biased towards those who have superhero type genetic mutations.  In addition, they say, it is obvious that much of the fault of children's inability to perform has to do with unstylish athletic attire.  To the critics, I say this: We cannot allow our perception of what those who are differently abled are capable of to influence our expectations and prevent us from attaining our number one goal: Physical Fitness for Everyone.

2.14.2012

Types of fuckholes and how to treat them: a guide for Dommes

I have devised a system for dommes to determine exactly the type of fuckhole and pathetic loser who wants to serve You. These types are so common, that after a short time, you will be able to pick them out on the street.  I have categorized losers into eight common types:

pigs, hogs, swine - These types are slovenly, double or triple times their expected body weight, and snort very loudly as their preferred means of communication.  Feed them a little garbage and throw them in a mud puddle, before locking their porcine necks into a stockade, so that passerby can throw rocks at them, and where they can long for contact with you.  Their horrible manners make them unsuitable for handling.

donkeys and jackasses-  Stubborn, stupid, and easily subjugated, these are beasts of burden.  Use them for labor, have them clean your floors, carry your stuff for you when you move, and beat them if they are non-compliant.  They make a loud ruckus, but will quickly become compliant with a few swift swats with the riding crops. or a few slashes with the buggy whip.

jackals -  The lowest type of scavenger, who appears to have sharp teeth but is usually incapable of hunting with them.  Do not be fooled by their swagger and bravado, it is merely a cover for their ineptitude.  Place a large gag in their mouth so you don't have to listen to their cackling, and chain them to the wall until they cackle (excuse me, beg) for mercy.  Then you can unchain them and kick them out naked into the street where they can continue to scavenge for carrion meat wherever they can get it.

parrots, minah birds, twitterers-  These are almost exclusively submissive.  They don't think for themselves, but need brainwashing in order to learn the proper way of conducting themselves.  They are hard wired to believe what others tell them, and will end up repeating what they hear over and over and over, for nothing but a few sunflower seeds.  Leave them in a cage without food, and if the cacophony of bird sounds becomes overwhelming, move them to the dark until they are subdued, or hood them.  Sometimes, a little electroshock therapy might be in order if they become hysterical.

snakes and vipers-  Disgusting creatures who usually want to slither at your feet and taste you with their tongues.  They have almost no backbones and communicate mainly by hissing when their self-loathing becomes overwhelming for them.  They need your feet and legs, and have tiny ice cubes for hearts.  If they try to bite, crush them right below their heads with your foot, making them gasp for air. Trample them, crush them, and kick them into a small dark corner when their time is up. 

slobbering dogs - Disgusting animals who are not really into S/m but who make all sorts of ass-umptions about what type of person you are, and are craving services which you will not provide for them. Tie up their genitals so that they yelp with pain and spit in their face.  Put them on a leash and make them crawl on the floor so that you will not have to see them slobber all over themselves.

ostriches-  Large, stupid animals with big muscles.  They have a one track mind and can really only master one or two things in their lifetime.  They appear large and intimidating, but their cranium is smaller than a walnut, and they are highly predicatable and are easily frightened.  When confronted with something that makes them unhappy or confused, they bury their heads in the sand in order to avoid dealing with the issues at hand.  In spite of their large muscles, they don't like corporal punishment, even as much as you'd like to beat them into a pulp.   They like serious taunting and sexual denial.  Put them in a chastity device and throw away the key, so that they can go home to their wife and endure beatings and verbal abuse.  (Tell them to tape record it so that you can get off to it later.)

rabbits - Highly timid, easily frightened, and skittish.  They have a specific desire that they are coming to you for, but have no voice to express it with.  You will be stuck playing charades and invoking your powers of ESP in order to figure out what they are into.  Finally, you will be satisfied with cracking your whip a few times and watching them piss themselves.  Pace around and call them a few names, and afterwards pet their heads condescendingly.  They will be yours forever (unfortunately).